Online

I work down at the Pizza Pit
I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I'm 5 foot 3 and overweight
I'm a sci-fi fanatic, I'm mild asthmatic
Never been to second base
There's a whole 'nother me that you need to see
Go check out MySpace

'Cause online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm 6 foot 5 and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati, I'm a black-belt in karate
And I love a good glass of wine
It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothin' serious
'Cause even on a slow day I can have a three-way
Chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
So much cooler online

When I get home I kiss my mom and she fixes me a snack
And I head down to my basement bedroom and fire up my Mac
In real life the only time I've ever even been to LA
Is when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade

But online I live in Malibu
I pose for Calvin Klein, I've been in GQ
I'm single and I'm rich and I got a set of six-pack abs
That could blow your mind
It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothin' serious
'Cause even on a slow day I could have a three-way
Chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online

When you got my kind of stats it's hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight
Every time I log in

Online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm 6 foot 5 and I look damn good
Even on a slow day I could have a three-way
Chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online

Yeah, he's cooler online
Hey, I'm cooler online
Yeah, he's cooler online
Yeah, I'll see you online
Yeah, he's cooler online
Hey, I'm cooler online
Oh yeah, he's cooler online