Текст песни Stinkfoot - Original Version - Frank Zappa

Okay, thank you, thank you, thank you! Alright, alright, alright!
Sit down, sit down, sit down! Okay! Alright!
Let's get down to business, just wanna let you know
In case you, you'd be blind not to notice this
But we are registering people to vote here
Think we did four hundred last night
And hope to exceed that this evening
But meanwhile, did everybody hear the great news today?
Jimmy Swaggart under investigation!
Oh, Jay-zus!
One day every one of those cock-suckers'll get caught!
Now I understand in the case of Mr.Swaggart
That he claims that it was not multiple encounters with many prostitutes
Apparently only one sweet young thing
And he did tell Cal Thomas of the Moral Majority
That the sex act itself was not fully consummated
However he did admit to doing something pornographic with the girl
Let's use our imaginations, ladies and gentlemen
In the dark
Where all the fevers grow
Under the water
Where the shark bubbles blow
In the mornin'
By yer radio
Do the walls close in to suffocate you
You ain't got no friends
And all the others: they hate you
Does the life you've been leadin' gotta go?
Well, lemme straighten you out
About a place I know
(Now, get yer shoes and socks on people
Because it's right aroun' the corner!)
You go out through the night
And the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The imaginary diseases
Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The imaginary diseases

Now scientists call this miserable little disease
Podobromidrosis and well, they should!
But us regular folks
Who might wear a tennis shoe
Or an occasional python boot
Know this exquisite little inconvenience by the name of
Stink Foot
That's right!
You know, my python boot was too tight
Couldn't get it off last night
Week went by, now it's July
I finally got it off
And my girl-friend cry
"You've got Stink Foot!
Stink Foot, darlin'
Your stinkin' foot puts the hurts on my nose!
Stink Foot! Stink Foot! I ain't lyin'
Can you rinse it off, do you suppose?"
Well, Here Fido, Here Fido
Bring the slippers, little puppy
Yes, that's a good dog
Bring them over to Jimmy Swaggart, that's right
He'll do anything for a good time
Sick!

Well, Ike Willis, ladies and gentlemen, Mike Keneally
Walt Fowler, Bruce Fowler, Paul Carman, Albert Wing
Kurt McGettrick, Chad Wackerman, now this is a special case
Ladies and gentlemen, get that spot light over here, this is Ed Mann
Now, Ed had a tragic experience a few moments ago
One of the loyal fans in the audience came up and treated him like a war criminal
Because he fucked up the lick on "Dickie's such an asshole" way back
When, who knows?-several weeks ago
But The people who come to these shows listen so carefully to every Little detail
That this man was deeply offended by Ed's performance
So to make sure that he gets his money's worth tonight
We're gonna dwell on it for a few moments now
And have Ed actually practice
Kinda warm up for that big lick that happens in "Dickie's such an asshole"
We're gonna rehearse it right now
Ready? Just do it as a solo, here we go
Or, or the way we did it that night
Which of course was completely wrong
This is how it went
Or