Текст песни Things We Say When People Die - George Carlin

Now speaking of dead people
There are things we say when someone dies
Most of us say, lot of us do
Things we say that no one ever questions.
They just go on examined
Give you a few examples
After someone dies the follow conversation is bound to take place
Probably more than once
Two guys meet on the street
"Hey did you hear?
Phil Davis died"
"Phil Davis?
I just saw him yesterday"
Yeah, didn′t help
He died anyway
Apparently the simple act of your
Seeing him did not slow his cancer down
In fact it may have made it more aggressive
You know, you could be responsible for Phil's death
How do you live with yourself?

Here is another thing we say
This is something that is usually said to the surviving spouse
Usually a woman because of the way it works
"Listen, if there is anything I can do, anything at all
Please, don′t hesitate to ask"
"What are you gonna do, a resurrection?"
This ain't the fucking New Testament you know?
You know what you tell a guy like that, that wants to help
"Oh fine, why don't you come over
Next weekend you can paint the garage
Bring your plunger, the upstairs toilet overflowed
And there′s shit all over the floor up there
You drive a tractor?
Good, that′ll come in handy
The north forty needs a lot of attention
Bring your chainsaw and your pickax, we're gonna put your ass to work"
He wants to help, fuck em
Call his bluff
Call his bluff
The nerve of these pricks
Here′s another thing we say to the surviving spouse
"I'm keeping him in my thoughts"
Where?
Where exactly in your thoughts does he fit?
Right between ′my ass hurts from
This chair' and ′let's fuck the waitress'
What are your priorities?
We use a lot of euphemisms when we talk about death ya know?
People say things like
"You know I lost my father"
Ah, he′ll turn up
You gotta stay optimistic with people like that
Give them reason to hope
"Have you checked the dumpster out back?
He used to like to take a nap in there"
Keep it up beat