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"A" is for your accent, like an ocean it is choppy
"B" is for your Barnet, that's your head and your North London
"C" is for your comb, and it will straighten out your Barnet
"D" is for your dominos, game to kill your leopard
"E" is for your engine, it's the thing to get you started
"F is for your fire, it can start up unexpected
"G" is for the ghost, the one that isn't in a story
"A" is for 'whoops-a-daisy', we're not on "A"
We're on "H" is for your hay stack, there's a needle in there somewhere
"I" is for your Isambard who congregated
And conquer- ooh no he didn't, no he didn't
He engineered a kingdom
"J" is for your jimjams often worn when it is starry
"K" is for your knight but not the sort of night that's starry
"L" is for Llandudno, there's no direct train from Barnet

And "L" is for your library, your local public library
The secrets that are on the shelves inside
"L" is for your library, your local lending library
A Tardis that the council has supplied

In our childhood dwelling we had just one shelf for books
And we had maybe I'd say twenty five or so
It wasn't that our reading speeds were punishingly slow
Myself and Angie Boo, my sister
The two of us would regularly go
To our local central library
And bring back to the bungalow
The carefully selected printed booty

"M" is for Matilda who's filmed a song down under
"N" is for Napolean, he's good at giving orders
"O" is for osmosis and the crossing over the borders
"P" is for pernickety, I'm only being careful
"Q" is for your quicksilver, is that the same as mercury?
"R" is for the real thing, that's much more like a forgery
"S" is for sport
Sport is good for the body, sport is good for the soul
Sport is thought provoking, sport is awesome
Hold some sport equipment in your hands and you'll see what I'm on about
Sport is a port in a storm
If you are depressed some sport ought to sort you out pretty sharpish

Remember in this crazy world, sport is normal
"T" is for your telephone, it's in the hands of the receiver
"U" the unbelievable, that dreams of a believer
"V" is for Valerie, who always signals when she's cycling
"W" is for Wrexham, don't mistake it for Llandudno
"X" is for a Christmas which is no sense of the sacred
"Y" is for the yawning cat when domino confronted
"Z" is for the uninvited zip, getting zero hero worship

At the one-track toggle convention
The troubles on my duffle coat, my mum would do them up for me
When I was maybe seven years of age
I walked out of the bungalow
Went up the road to get the bus and mum would fuss around
Before I went
My toggle's done, she'd say goodbye and I would wipe her kisses off
Along my navy duffle-coated sleeve
I'd give that right arm now to have such kisses
But back then I'd say, "Don't kiss me mum"
And mum would say, "Say please"
Say, "Please don't kiss me"