Flowers

Somebody's sending me flowers
Oh, what a nice thing to do
Everyday brings another bouquet
And I don't know who to say thank you to
Sometimes they're thrown through the window
Or down through the chimney they fall
Sometimes at night
When I turn out the light
They come through a crack in the wall

Now that my house is a garden
Bursting with blossoms and blooms
I stand there for hours
Admiring my flowers
And I'd like to sit down
But there just isn't room

Somebody's sending me flowers
More than I ever have had
And it's adorable stuff
But enough is enough
And if I see another bouquet
I'll go mad

Flowers are the language of love I'm told
A language divine
Each pretty little blossom has a message to unfold
That's all except mine
Now if flowers are the language of affection
Well, how can I interpret this collection?

He started by sending me bluebells
Strangely enough they were gray
Each little bloom had a horrid perfume
And besides being gray
They were papier-mâché
There followed a large pot of fungus
Then as an added surprise
He sent me a plant
That proceeded to pant
And later began catching flies

Oh, the cactus corsage touched me deeply
A beautiful plant in its prime
And I felt much the same
When the rock garden came
One rock at a time

Somebody madly adores me
I don't know who to suspect
And I can't afford to be madly adored
Oh, I do wish he'd stop sending flowers
Collect!