Never Say Die

Cannulas and catheters
The ins and outs of life
In a hospital bed

There, that's your pee-pee bag sorted

But all that really matters is
The attitude to life
Inside your head

All comfy now, my love

Let the machines go beep
Draw their squiggles on the graph
That's only half the story
So you just sleep
And you'll have the last laugh
When you come bouncing back to us
In all your glory
Oops!
Let's get that bit of dribble off there for me

Ooh look lively, Frank
Lady visitor come to see you
And if I know my celebrities
It's Mrs Tanya Turner, isn't it?
Erm?
Oh I read all the glossies, my love
Need a bit of glamour after back-to-back bottoms and bed pans
Come and sit yourself down
Just finishing his obs
Two ticks
No no no - it's okay
I'll wait outside
Oh no, silly
I'm sure he'd love to hear a friendly voice in his ear
Wouldn't you, Frank?
Hear?
Here
No, no I mean
He can't actually hear anything in a coma, can he?
Well, medically speaking
It's a funny thing, hearing, my love
Being the last of the senses to go
But I don't doubt you'll be a tonic
After those rude policemen coming to interrogate him
Police?
Said they can't close his case
'Til they get a full statement from him
What?
And I'm to let them know the minute he wakes up
Yeah, but?
Wake up?
I mean, realistically?
He's never gonna come back to us, is he?
Oh shush now
Shush

Never say die, Mrs T
Never say die

It's more than just diplomacy
When someone's in a coma, see
You can't ignore the elephant in the room
There is every indication
Even idle conversation
Might subconsciously affect his va-va-voom

In all my bedside vigils through the years
There's often more upstairs than first appears
So unless it's truly time to say goodbye
We absolutely never
Never say die

Look!
You've brought the colour back to his cheeks already
His whole aura
See that purple glow around him?
What?
Well, we don't all have the gift
But that's the colour of his
Papal purple, you might call it!

I'd swear I never saw a more
Extraordinary aura
And it's sure to mean this soldier's on the mend
All that energy pulsating
Well that must be quite frustrating
And it has to find an outlet in the end

With all the men I've brought back from the brink
Some things still work much better than you'd think
So while there's spunk and thrust and drive
The odds are more than on that he'll survive

You don't understand
All the things we had planned
To see him reduced to this
Such a proud, proud man

Oh Frank, my darling
I can't bear to see you like this
Being pumped up and down like a balloon
It just breaks my heart
You poor love
You really are upset, aren't you?
I can't tell you
I can't tell anyone
Oh, now
Better out than in
Applies to emotions as well as phlegm, my love
And I know how to keep a secret

That man meant everything to me
And me to him
And I feel so helpless
Being left out in the dark
Not being 'official' next of kin
Unless, unless
No, it's too much to ask

What?

Seeing as you're his personal nurse
If worst should come to the worst
Or pray God it's good news
Maybe could you
See your way to call me first?

I'd be honoured
Thank you
Jeanette

Never say die Mrs T
Never say die!

A watchful eye on all his vitals
Every night I think entitles me
To choose who is and isn't kept abreast
On the strength of your affection
I can feel a real connection
And of course we only want what's for the best

Cos believe you me when push comes down to shove
There's no more potent medicine than love
And to know that you'll be standing by
Will keep his spirits high
And that's the reason why
We absolutely never
Never say die!

Right, well, I'd better dash now

Honestly, Frank
You and Mrs T?
Well it's a jolly good thing
You've both got me

Yes you're a lucky guy
So it's best that you comply
And absolutely never
Never say die!