Woman's Figure

I am very particular
With the women that come in my love affair
I am very particular
With the women that come in my love affair
First you must have a lovely figure
To suit the measurements of Lord Kitchener
And when I say figure, it has to be
For you have to be measured in front of me

My measurements: waist 24, hips 38
Bust 36 and height up to date
And if you don't possess that figure
You can't be a girlfriend of Kitchener

If it's one thing that I detest
It's to see an ugly shape in a lovely dress
And believe me, I've been around
And seen some horrible figures in town
What a terrible sight to look at
They're either too thin or either too fat
When the waist is too big, the hip is too small
Well, figures like these wouldn't do at all

My measurements: waist 24, hips 38
Bust 36 and height up to date
And if you don't possess that figure
You can't be a girlfriend of Kitchener

If a woman is shaped up nice
Take my advice, examine her twice
For fellas you wouldn't know
They use lots of padding from head to toe
Roll-ons and corset under the dress
With a pair of rubber things to stick out their chest
But when they undress you must feel to run
For they're shaped more or less like the figure one

My measurements: waist 24, hips 38
Bust 36 and height up to date
And if you don't possess that figure
You can't be a girlfriend of Kitchener

I was only walking around
When I met Miss Teresa from Camden Town
From a distance she looked alright
But as she drew closer, I had a fright
The lady's so big, ashamed to tell you
Her waist 31, her bust 42
I tried to attack but then changed me mind
If you see the size of her body line

My measurements: waist 24, hips 38
Bust 36 and height up to date
And if you don't possess that figure
You can't be a girlfriend of Kitchener