Hangover

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to
The stage the very funny Mr. Mark Gross

How we doing, everyone? Good?
Alright, well we're, uh, a little hungover tonight. I apologize
We, uh, we had a late night last night. Boy, we, uh, we drank a lot
I'm not gonna lie to you people. We, holy crap, I don't even remember
Too much of last night, but I do remember this, uh
If you're playing strip poker with a bunch of waitresses from Denny's
And you win, you lose

We wound up at a, uh, karaoke bar
And I tried to sing a Barry White song
Then I went in the parking lot and
Spray-painted 'honkey' on my own car

And I called Craig this morning, I was in a pa-
It's good to have a friend you can say anything to, you know
I called him up this morning, I go, "Craig, I
Uh, I got my penis stuck in a shampoo bottle"
And he said, "Mark, that's nothing to be ashamed of"
And I go, "Yeah, but it's, it's a hotel shampoo bottle, so"
Thanks for laughing at that one, I appreciate that, uh

I was up early, my dad called me at 6 this morning
Man, you know, old people love to call you early in the morning
And they try and make you feel bad about sleeping in
6 In the morning, there's my dad, "Still in bed, are we?"
He goes, "You know, Mark, the early bird gets the worm"
And I go, "Well, Dad, that's probably true, but the, uh
The bird that goes to the bar and drinks
Beer all night gets to fuck the waitress"
I'm gonna go ahead and do that, I think, you know?