Текст песни Dark Comedy Late Show - Open Mike Eagle
We
have
a
fuckin',
uh,
incredible
show
for
you
tonight
Pardon
me
for
saying
"Fuckin'"
on
network
television—
I'm
not
gonna
have
this
job
for
long—It's
Exile!
It's
me,
it's
you.
These
are
our
guests
Let's
go.
Yeah
I
gave
up
and
became
a
Spotify-er
Paying
myself
a
fraction
of
a
penny
playing
"Qualifiers"
I'm
looking
up
and
I'm
stuck
in
a
Chucky
movie
Saying
yucky
shit
for
chuckles
like
it's
Lucky
Louie
So
somebody
better
cancel
me
Before
I
get
a
chance
to
screen
this
ass-naked
dance
routine
It's
dark
comedy,
cold
as
a
soldier's
stare
I've
been
exposed,
so
now
the
LOLs
is
my
over-wear
And
I'm
a
polar
bear
with
words
for
a
fancy
song
I
think
it's
the
first
verse
from
Little
Miss
Can't
Be
Wrong
Fuck
you,
I
like
the
Spin
Doctors
Is
that
dude
Finn's
father
or
just
an
impostor?
The
new
internet
thing's
to
be
pretend
awkward
Non-prescription,
thick-rimmed
frames
and
rented
gym
lockers
I'm
a
rapper,
we
lament
being
broke
All
the
comics
get
money,
but
they
spend
it
on
coke
You
can
watch
us
on
the
newsfeeds
Fucking
y'all's
mornings
up
Until
America
admits
that
it
likes
dogs
more
than
us
And
I
can
see
the
Super
Bowls
of
the
future:
The
Ferguson
blacks
vs.
Missouri
State
Troopers
The
privacy
rights
vs.
the
personal
computers
Concussion
researchers
vs.
university
boosters
I
graduated
college,
I
purchased
all
the
extra
books
I'm
supposed
to
be
living
in
a
house
with
a
breakfast
nook
Joke's
on
me,
though
All
this
cheap
alcohol
and
no
Coke
Zero
Ashamed
how
proximity
kills
yo
heroes
Hey,
yo,
no
poking,
I'm
still
woke,
Cee-Lo
Yeah,
It's
all
ripped
from
the
headlines
I'm
all
outta
options
like
a
Crip
on
the
red
line
I
got
a
deadline,
before
I
never
had
a
deal
Stormed
out
of
business
meetings,
slipped
on
mass
banana
peels
I
should
probably
shut
my
stupid
mouth
Shirtless
in
a
fur
hat
and
Vladimir
Putin
pout
And
North
Korea's
got
practice
missiles
And
I
still
check
Yahoo
cause
we
both
got
attachment
issues
Our
Congress
moves
just
like
a
cult
could
Invade
Iraq
15
times
in
my
adulthood
And
we
quit
asking
for
the
reasons
And
clicked
the
Constitution's
terms
of
service
agreements
We're
dreaming
from
sundown
to
high
noon
And
it's
close
to
a
all
out
war
With
kids
being
murdered
just
for
being
black
and
tall
outdoors
They
respond
to
demonstrations
wearing
kevlar
briefs
When
the
main
problem
is
nobody
respects
our
grief
They
say
if
it
bends
it's
funny,
if
it
breaks
it
ain't
though
I
still
got
broke
pockets
and
trying
to
host
the
Late
Show
Recording
it
every
night,
but
I
don't
know
where
the
tape
go
Homeless
fashionistas
tell
me
everything
that
they
know
Yeah,
you
got
a
style
Tie
them
fancy
sandals
up,
smile
You
on
the
NSA's
candid
cameras,
now
I'm
in
a
church
basement
learning
Shotokan
I
saw
Jesus
taking
a
selfie
and
I
photobombed
And
dude
better
tag
me
A
little
recognition
makes
me
do
better
gladly
Like
this
one
time
when
I
got
booed
at
a
track
meet
In
a
Hellfyre
Club
sweater
for
two
letter
athletes
One
for
regret
dreams,
one
for
most
suppressed
team
Pressure
valve
gets
released
and
sprays
like
a
jet
stream
Karl
Kani's
and
Z
Cavaricci's
from
Chess
King
K-Mart
name
brands
were
the
least
interesting
I
appreciated
presidential
speeches
on
the
West
Wing
I
never
had
wet
dreams
or
piloted
an
X-Wing
I'm
still
terrible
at
being
sarcastic
black
My
man
Exile,
he
knows
what
I'm
laughing
at
My
man
Toy-Light,
he
knows
what
I'm
laughing
at
The
studio
audience
knows
what
I'm
laughing
at
Laughing
at
all
types
of
shit
I
laugh
at,
um,
CNN.
I
don't
know
why
That
might
be
an
issue;
that
might
be
a
problem
actually
It's
not,
it's
not
a
humorous
channel,
you
know
what
I
mean?
It's
not
trying
to
compete
with
Comedy
Central
If
anything,
it's
trying
to
compete
with
Headline
News
Which
I'm
pretty
sure
is
like
the
same
company
Or
it's
trying
to
compete
with,
uh,
MSNBC
kinda
MSNBC
is
blue
and
to
the
left
CNN
is
red,
white,
and
black,
and
in
the
middle
And
Fox
News
is
bright
red
and
hollerin',
and
on
the
right
And
there's
an
elephant
and
a
donkey
And
then
an
eledonkeyphant.
A
donkaphant
Uh,
a
helladonkaphant.
Shit
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