This Little Pig

This little pig went to market
This little pig stayed home
This little pig had roast beef
This little pig had none
But, uh, this little pig here, he went
All the way home!

This little pig went to market
This little pig stayed home
This little pig, he had roast beef
But this little pig had none

First little pig who went off to market
Brought home his friend, John Cleese
And soon as were able, sat down at table
Ate up the bread and cheese

This little pig went to market
This little pig stayed home
This little pig, he had roast beef
But this little pig had none

Pig number two, well, he was the shy one
He liked to stay at home
He did the cleaning, washing and ironing
He gave the dog his bone

This little pig went to market
This little pig stayed home
This little pig, he had roast beef
But this little pig had none

Third little pig, now, he was a fat pig
Plump as a pudding was he
Roast beef for breakfast, roast beef for lunch
Then roast beef for afternoon tea

This little pig went to market
This little pig stayed home
This little pig, he had roast beef
But this little pig had none

Last little pig, well, he didn't really have much
He didn't really have much at all (Oh, no)
He moped around the house with a sad look on his face (Oh, so sad)
Unlike Cinderella, he never went to the ball
And he said

I've never been to the market (Oh, dear)
I've only ever stayed home (Oh)
I've never, ever had roast beef (Oh, no!)
I've never had anything at all

This little pig shall go to market
This little pig shall be home
This little pig shall have roast beef
This little pig shall have it all