St. George & The Dragonet

The legend you are about to hear is true
Only the needle should be changed to protect the record

This is the countryside
My name is St. George, I'm a knight
Saturday, July tenth, 8:05 p.m
I was working out of the castle on the night watch
When a call came in from the chief
A dragon had been devouring maidens
Homicide, my job, slay him

You call me, chief?
Yes, the dragon again, devouring maidens
The King's daughter may be next
Mmm-hmm, you got a lead?
Oh, nothing much to go on
Sade, did you take that 45 automatic into the lab, to have them check on it?
Yeah, you were right
I was right?
Yeah, It was a gun

8:22 p.m. I talked to one of the maidens who had almost been devoured
Could I talk to you, Ma'am?
Who are you?
I'm St. George, ma'am, homicide, ma'am, I want to ask you a few questions, ma'am
I understand you were almost devoured by the Ma'am, Is that right, dragon?
It was terrible, he breathed fire on me, he burned me already
How can I be sure of that, Ma'am?
Believe me, I got it straight from the dragon's mouth

11:45 p.m. I rode over the King's highway, I saw a man, stopped to talk to him
Pardon me, sir, could I talk to you for just a minute, sir?
Sure, I don't mind
What do you do for a living?
I'm a knave
Didn't I pick you up on a nine-o-three last year for stealing tarts?
Yeah, so what, do you wanna make a federal case out of it?
No Sir, we heard there was a dragon operating in this neighborhood
We just to know if you've seen him
Sure, I seen him

Mmm-hmm, could you describe him for me?
What's to describe, you see one dragon, you seen 'em all
Would you try to remember sir, Just for the record
We just want to get the facts, sir
Well, he was, you know, he had orange polka dots
Yes, sir
Purple feet, breathing fire and smoke
Mmm-hmm
And one big bloodshot eye right in the middle of his forehead and uh, like that

Notice anything unusual about him?
No, he's just your run-of-the-mill dragon, you know
Mmm-hmm yes sir, you can go now
Hey-hey, by the way, how you gonna catch him?
I thought you'd never ask, a Dragonet

3:05 p.m. I was riding back into the courtyard to make my report to the lab
Then it happened
It was the dragon
Hey I'm the fire-breathing dragon, you must be St. George, right?
Yes, sir
I see you got one of them new 45 caliber swords
That's about the size of it
Ha-ha-ha-ha, oh-ha-ha-ha-ehe, you'd slay me?
That's what I wanted to talk to you about
What do you mean?

I'm taking you in to five-o-two, you'll figure it out
What's the charge?
Devouring maidens out of season
Out of season, you'll never pin that rap on me, do you hear me cop?
Yeah, I hear you, I got you on a four-12 too
A four-12, what's a four-12?
Over-acting, let's go

On September the fifth, the dragon was tried and convicted
His fire was put out and his maiden-devouring license revoked
Maiden devouring out of season, is punishable by a term of not less than 50
Or more than three hundred years