Magic Roundabout

Hello children, welcome to another marvellous episode
Of Magic Roundabout with me, Danny Bush Blair!
"You're gay!"
What did you say, Peter? I'm gay? Why, of course
I'm gay. Gay means happy, aren't you gay, Peter?
"No"
You little squirt, aren't you?

Once upon a time there was a boy named Jill
Who fell in love with a girl named Jack
People didn't like to see them kiss
'Cause Jack was white and Jill was black
And everybody knows that black is bad

Black is dark and that's not good
Black people don't even have real houses
They live in their anoraks, apparently the hood

Whenever there was no people around

They would sneak and creep around

Sleep around each other's house
Where their beds make this creaking sound

If only you could see them now
He's standing up and she's kneeling down
Anyway, back to the reading now
Everybody thought Jill was the thief in town
For no apparent reason, the people in town
Would see him and just beat him down

He runs home to his big black family
Bleeding, leaking, screaming "Ow!"
Then one day he went into his father's cupboard
And discovered this piece of black metal that was covered
He put it in his pocket and took it out to the streets
The people that beat him down wanna speak
That's when he found out that the metal does magic
So every time he had it, all he had to do was squeeze
The people that used to beat him down would scream
Then all of a sudden they'd fall asleep

Ha! You see, Jill, he found the magic metal. Do you have a magic
Metal? Check in your father's cupboard, or maybe under your
Big brother's bed. It could be hidden in a sock. Go look around!

Once upon a time there was a girl named Jemima

Face so ugly she looked like a spider

Isn't a dog alive that would wanna sit beside her

Boys wouldn't spit on her, not even for a fiver
She had a flat chest and very stink breath
And one of her eyelids would slant to the left

Even the nerds in the class didn't like her
As soon as they see her, they start to play chess
Then one day when looking in the mirror
She discovered these two round lumps upon her chest
The more cupcakes she ate, they got bigger
So big that one day they ripped off her vest
They grew and all of the girls said "Ooh!"
And all of the nerds in the class said "Cool!"
The boys that used to take her for a fool

Wanted to link up with her after school
She followed this boy David to his house

Where he put one of them lumps in his mouth

Jemima was making all types of sounds
But none of the noises she made said "Ouch"

Dave reached down and Dave said "Boy!"
'Cause he felt something hard like a toy
Jemima laughed and said, "My real name is Jamie
And I'm not a girl, just a very fat boy"

See? Jemima was a hermaphrodite. Can you say hermaphrodite? Say it!
"Hermaphrodite"
Anyway, these things happen, and there's absolutely nothing
We can do about it, kids. Anyway, keep listening. Let's go

Once upon a time there was a man named James
Who got married to a woman named Shirley
Who woke up early to iron his shirts
And as soon as he went to work, she would open a nursery
She was so loving, but so was her husband
Problem is, he wasn't loving her
'Cause after giving her five kids a furty

He was in a hotel doing the dirty

With his secretary named Mandy
Who had a bad boyfriend called Joe
Who had a gay boyfriend called Andy
Andy's a hoe and Andy had lurgies
The lurgies are fast, now they're living in Shirley
And to her health, that's detrimental
This is a lesson, but lurgies can be stopped
By that thing on the top of a pencil
And now we go...

See, that's a lesson we could all learn from
What's on the top of a pencil?
"A ruler!"
No
"A condom!"
No, it's actually an eraser
Anyway, boys and girls, you have been wonderful today. I'm
Danny Bush Blair, and I'm saying tabby ho toodle-oo! Bye bye