Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced

I play in a band
We're the best in the land
We're big in both Chelsea and France
I play one mean guitar
And then I score at the bar
There's a line of chicks waiting for their chance

So come on now honey
I'll make you feel pretty
These other girls mean nothing to me
Let's finish these drinks
And be gone for the night
'Cause I'm more than a half full you see

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced
I'm soaked and I'm soiled and browned
In the trousers, she kissed me
And I only bought her one round

I can bench press a car
I'm an ex-football star
With degrees from both Harvard and Yale
Girls just can't keep up
I'm a real love machine
A hot father, a sex willing yale

I designed the Sears Tower
I make two grand an hour
I cook the world's best duck from Maine
I take the pick of the litter
Girls jockey for me
I don't need these lines to get laid

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced
I'm soaked and I'm soiled and browned
In the trousers, she kissed me
And I only bought her one round

I'm a man of the night
A real ladies' delight
See my Figaro was chiseled from stone
One more for the girl
Then I'll escort her home
Come on let's go I'm never alone

I've a house on the hill
With a red waterbed
That puts your Heffner measures to shame
With girls by the pool
And Italian sport scars
I'm just scurrying this town for the game

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced
I'm soaked and I'm soiled and browned
In the trousers, she kissed me
And I only bought her one round

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced
I'm soaked and I'm soiled and browned
In the trousers, she kissed me
And I only bought her one round

Oh fuck it, who am I shitting?
I'm a pitiful sight
And I ain't all that bright
I'm definitely no chisel from stone
I'm a cheat and a liar
No woman's desire
I'll probably die cold and alone

But just give me a chance
'Cause deep down inside
I swear I've got a big heart of gold
I'm a monogamous man
No more one night stands
Come on honey let me take you home

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced
I'm soaked and I'm soiled and browned
In the trousers, she kissed me
And I only bought her one round

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced
I'm soaked and I'm soiled and browned
In the trousers
And I only bought her one round

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced
I'm soaked and I'm soiled and browned
In the trousers, she kissed me
And I only bought her one round

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced
I'm soaked and I'm soiled and browned
In the trousers, she kissed me
And I only bought her one round