Our Sergeant Major

Now there's a sergeant major
Enjoys life while he can
He proves to all the ladies
He's a soldier and a man!

He sticks out his chest
Two pillows in his vest
A bolster under
His rotunda
Our sergeant major!

His medals break our hearts
He won them playing darts!
And while competing
Who was cheating?
Our sergeant major!

He's far away the worst friend we've ever had
When he's far away, well, we're mighty glad!

In the canteen bar
You know what sergeants are!
When we've passed out
Who's the last out?
Our sergeant major!

He's got a raucous voice
His language isn't choice!
In clink we'd shove him
How we love him
Our sergeant major!

His weight about he'll throw
The wicked so and so!
Who'd even smother
His own mother?
Our sergeant major!

He's far away the worst friend we've ever had
When he's far away, well, we're mighty glad!

Our bugler goes his rounds
And when the bugle sounds
For everlastin'!
Who's he blastin'?
Our sergeant major!

Now he makes raw recruits
Just tremble in their boots
He calls 'em slackers!
Who's gone crackers?
Our sergeant major!

His feet fill up the road
Knock-kneed and pigeon-toed
We'd sooner shoot him
Than salute him
Our sergeant major!

He's far away the worst friend we've ever had
When he's far away, well, we're mighty glad!

The mascot goat we own
Though big and fat has grown
Wild and warlike
It's far more like
Our sergeant major!