Lyrics Candide: Auto-da-fé - Adolph Green feat. John Treleavan, Neil Jenkins, Jerry Hadley, Lindsay Benson, Richard Suart, Clive Bayley, London Symphony Chorus, London Symphony Orchestra & Leonard Bernstein

What a day, what a day
For an auto-da-f?!
What a sunny summer sky!
What a day, what a day
For an auto-da-f?!
It's a lovely day for drinking
And for watching people fry!
Hurry, hurry, hurry,
Watch'em die!
Hurry, hurry, hurry,
Hang 'em high!
BEAR-KEEPER
See the great Russian bear!
COSMETIC MERCHANT
Buy a comb for your hair!
WOMEN
But the price is much too high!
DOCTOR
Here be potions and pills
For your fevers and chills!
WOMEN
But we haven't any money
So there's nothing we can buy!
JUNKMAN
Any kind of metal
Bought and sold!
ALCHEMIST
Any kind of metal
Turned to gold!
JUNKMAN
Pots and pans,
Metal cans,
Bought or traded or sold!
Pans and pots
And what-nots!
I Trading new ones for old!
ALCHEMIST
Pots and pans,
Metal cans,
I can turn them into gold!
Pans and pots
And what-nots!
For a tiny fee
My alchemy
Can turn them into gold!

Hurry, hurry, hurry,
Come and buy!
Hurry, hurry, hurry,
Come and try!
What a fair, what a fair!
Things to buy everywhere,
But the prices are too high!
It's not fair, it's not fair,
Things to buy everywhere;
But we haven't any money
So there's nothing we can buy!
PANGLOSS
But you can't execute me; I'm too sick to die!

What d ya mean sick?
PANGLOSS
Oh my darling Paquette,
She is haunting me yet
With a dear souvenir
I shall never forget.
'Twas a gift that she got
From a seafaring Scot,
He received he believed in Shalott!
In Shalott from his dame
Who was certain it came
With a kiss from a Swiss
(She'd forgotten his name),
But he told her that he
Had been given it free
By a sweet little cheat in Paree.
Then a man from Japan,
Then a Moor from Iran,
Though the Moor isn't sure
How the whole thing began;
But the gift we can see
Had a long pedigree
When at last it was passed on to me!

Then a man from Japan,
Then a Moor from Iran,
Though the Moor isn't sure
How the whole thing began;
But the gift we can see
Had a long pedigree
When at last it was passed on to he!
PANGLOSS
Love is sweet, love is sweet,
And the custom is sound,
For it makes the world go 'round.
CANDIDE, PANGLOSS
I repeat, love is sweet,
And the custom is sound,
That makes the world go 'round.
PANGLOSS
Well, the Moor in the end
Spent a night with a friend
And the dear souvenir
Just continued the trend
To a young English lord
Who was stung, they record,
By a wasp in a hospital ward!
Well, the wasp on the wing
Had occasion to sting
A Milano soprano
Who brought home the thing
To her young paramour,
Who was rendered impure,
And forsook her to look for the cure.
Thus he happened to pass
Through Westphalia, alas,
Where he met with Paquette,
And she drank from his glass.
I was pleased as could be
When it came back to me;
Makes us all just a small family!

Oh, he happened to pass
Through Westphalia, alas,
Where he met with Paquette,
And she drank from his glass.
He is pleased as can be
For it shows him that we
One and all are a small family!
PANGLOSS
I am pleased as can be
For it shows us that we
One and all are a small family!

What a day, what a day
For an auto-da-f?!
What a lovely day for drinking
And for watching people fry!
What a day, what a day,
Oh, what a day,
What a perfect day for hanging!
GRAND INQUISITOR
Silence!
INQUISITORS
Shall we let the sinners go or try them?

Try them.
INQUISITORS
Are the culprits innocent or guilty?

Guilty.
INQUISITORS
Shall we pardon them or hang them?

Hang them.
What a lovely day, what a jolly day,
What a day for a holiday!
He don't mix meat and dairy,
He don't eat humble pie,
So sing a miserere
And hang the bastard high!
INQUISITORS
Are our methods legal or illegal?

Legal.
INQUISITORS
Are we judges of the law, or laymen?

Amen.
INQUISITORS
Shall we hang them or forget them?

Get them!
What a perfect day, what a jolly day,
What a day for a holiday!
When foreigners like this come
To criticize and spy,
We chant a pax vobiscum,
And hang the bastard high!
GRAND INQUISITOR
The supreme moment has arrived. All ye faithful -
Genuflect!
, INQUISITORS
Oh, pray for us, pray for us!
Fons pietatis, pray for us!
Davidis turris, pray for us!
Rex majestatis, pray for us!
(The crowd scatters in fear.)
PANGLOSS
Ladies and gentlemen, one final word. God in his
Wisdom made it possible to invent the rope...
Aaargh.

What a lovely day what a jolly day,
What a day for a holiday!
At last we can be cheery,
The danger's passed us by.
So sing a Dies Irae
And hang the bastard high!
Oh, what a day!!
Pangloss is hanged, Candide flogged. Candide still believes
Pangloss was right.