Lyrics Calculatus Eliminatus (The Way to Find a Missing Something is to Find Out Where It's Not) - Allan Sherman

When you mislaid a certain something
Keep your cool and don't get hot
Calculatus Eliminatus is the best friend that you've got
Calculatus Eliminatus always helps an awful lot
The way to find a missing something is to find out where it's not
It isn't here
I'll mark this "X"
It isn't there
I'll mark that "Y"
It isn't underneath the apple
Mark the apple "HKI"
It isn't in this keyhole
It isn't on my knee
Mark the keyhole "K300"
Mark the knee "57B"
We just jot down all the places where it isn't and gee whiz
Very shortly we were looking where the missing object is
It isn't here
842-J
It isn't there
F607
You can mark the piano "22 thousand decimal point 11"
It isn't in the icebox
It's not on this TV
Icebox, 0-2-4 1/2
TV, 1,000,003
When you mislaid a certain something
Keep your cool
Don't go to pot
Calculatus Eliminatus is the best friend that you've got
Calculatus Eliminatus always helps an awful lot
The way to find a missing something
Is to find out where it's not