Lyrics Do You Swear to Tell the Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing but the Truth So Help Your Black Ass - Amanda Palmer

When I was six years old, my sister Alison
Asked for a stove for her birthday.
A miniature one you could actually could with
And my mum was nice and she bought one.
Alison needed a reason to bake something, barged in my room and she grabbed me.
She said "I made a cake and we're going next door
To Sam Leinstein's and you're getting married."

The cake was burnt.
It tasted gross.
She made me kiss him.
On the mouth.

Now I am 33, I'm married happily,
No plans in life and I'm planning to keep it
That way. I do kissing with only one mission;
Do you like to kiss? Then you have my permission.

And I've already spent too much time
Doing things I didn't want to,
So if I just wanna make out all the time,
You can bet your black ass that I'm going to.

When I was 9, I was kind of a loser,
The kids in my class didn't like me.
Melanie Showers; the meanest of all,
And my mom made me go to her party.
Nobody talked to me,
I sat there quietly,
Drawing with crayons on a napkin
A picture of Melanie, skewered with a pitchfork,
Her legs getting eaten by lions.

The cake was good
I took some home
I had a party
In my room.

Now I have friends and I'm not such a loser
And I go to bars all the time and I sit there
And I order red wine and I write
And I like being alone around people,
Yes, that's how I like it.

And I've already spent too much time
Doing things I didn't want to.
So if I wanna sit her and write and drink wine,
You can bet your black ass that I'm going to.

Yes, I come here often.
Sure, I'll have another one.
Yes, I come here often.
Sure, I'll have another one.

But I don't have to talk to you!

When I was seventeen
I was a blow job queen,
Picking up tips from the masters.
I was so busy perfecting my art,
I was clueless to what they were after.
Now I'm still a blow job queen (far more selectively)
I don't make love now to make people love me.
But I don't mind sharing my gift with planet,
We're all going to die and a blow job's fantastic!

And when I was 25, I was a rockstar, but it didn't pay too well,
I had to strip on the side of the road
To get ready for shows
And the cars driving by, baby, they'd never know
What a bargain they'd gotten
And if I'm forgotten
I'll be perfectly happy with all that has happened.
And I still get laughed at, but that doesn't bother me
I'm just so happy to hear laughter around me.

And I'e already spent too much time
Doing things I didn't want to.
So if I wanna drink loads and dress like a pirate
Or dress like a dyke and wear high heels and lipstick
Or hide in a convent
Or try to be mayor
Or marry a writer
Smoke crack
And slash tyres
Make jokes you don't like
Or paint ducks and retire...

You can bet your black ass that I'm going to