Lyrics Oh, Dear - Billy Connolly

This next song is very dear to me
Because of an outside toilets and tenement buildings, you know?
And I'm often fonder of them, you know?
I used to trip down to the outside toilet when I was about eight years of age
In my naughty pyjamas and my bare feet
Because I was a midnight wee-wee specialist
Really, never in my life was I known to pee during the day, never once
As soon as it got dark, whoa!

Because everybody knew the outside toilets are full of ghosts
And I was feared, a burden of fealty
I used to get in the stairs and my bare feet with two little bits of coal to throw it in corners
You can always kill a ghost with a bit of coal and everybody knew that
And I used to stand there doing a wee-wee, holding the door open with my one leg
Kidding on, I wasn't as scared, going, tra-la-la! La-la-la-lee!
Soon as I was finished, vroom! Up the stair, legs just a blur
Enter the house, into bed, make a tent, and read a bit with a torch

I'd like you to join in the chorus
You've probably heard the tune before

Oh dear, what can the matter be?
I'm scared to go to the lavat'ry
I've no been since two weeks last Saturday
I know who's hidin' in there!

My name's Shug McGlumpher and I live up this close
I'll tell you a story, I promise it's knee-boast
During the power cut, I saw a big ghost
Nobody knows that he's there (all together)

Oh dear, what can the matter be?
I'm scared to go to the lavat'ry
I've no been since two weeks last Saturday
I know who's hidin' in there!

He'd two big red eyes, on his head was a dead, man
Big hairy horns, and his neck was all bent, man
My mammy says he sounds just like the rent man
But I know who's hiding in there (all together)

Oh dear, what can the matter be?
I'm feared to go to the lavat'ry
I've no been since two weeks last Saturday
I know who's hidin' in there!

What a nice
His mommy sent him to lessons, you know