Lyrics A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper Is Crying - Bloodhound Gang
I
was
lonelier
than
Kunta
Kinte
at
a
Merle
Haggard
concert
That
night
I
strolled
on
into
Uncle
Limpy's
Hump
Palace
lookin'
for
love.
It
had
been
a
while.
In
fact,
three
hundred
and
sixty-five
had
come
and
went
Since
that
midnight
run
haulin'
hog
to
Shakey
Town
on
I-10.
I
had
picked
up
this
hitchhiker
that
was
sweatin'
gallons
Through
a
pair
of
Daisy
Duke
cut-offs
and
one
of
those
Fruit
Of
The
Loom
tank-tops.
Well,
that
night
I
lost
myself
to
ruby
red
lips,
Milky
white
skin
and
baby
blue
eyes.
Name
was
Russell.
Yes,
a
lap
dance
is
so
much
better
when
the
stripper
is
cryin'
Yes,
a
lap
dance
is
so
much
better
when
the
stripper
is
cryin'
Well
I
find
it's
quite
a
thrill
When
she
grinds
me
against
her
will
Yes
a
lap
dance
is
so
much
better
when
the
stripper
is
cryin'
Well,
faster
than
you
can
say,
"shallow
grave",
This
pretty
little
thing
come
up
to
me
and
starts
kneadin'
my
balls
Like
hard-boiled
eggs
in
a
tube
sock.
Said
her
name
was
Bambi
and
I
said,
"Well
that's
a
coincidence
darlin',
'Cause
I
was
just
thinkin'
about
skinnin'
you
like
a
deer."
Well
she
smiled,
had
about
as
much
teeth
as
a
Jack-O-Lantern,
And
I
went
on
to
tell
her
how
I
would
wear
her
face
like
a
mask
As
I
do
my
little
kooky
dance.
And
then
she
told
me
to
shush.
I
guess
she
could
sense
my
desperation.
'Course,
it's
hard
to
hide
a
hard-on
when
you're
dressed
like
Minnie
Pearl.
Yes,
a
lap
dance
is
so
much
better
when
the
stripper
is
cryin'
Yes,
a
lap
dance
is
so
much
better
when
the
stripper
is
cryin'
Well
I
find
it's
quite
a
thrill
When
she
grinds
me
against
her
will
Yes,
a
lap
dance
is
so
much
better
when
the
stripper
is
cryin'
So,
Bambi's
goin'
on
about
how
she
can
make
all
my
fantasies
come
true.
So
I
says,
"Even
this
one
I
have
where
Jesus
Christ
Is
jackhammering
Mickey
Mouse
in
the
doo-doo
hole
With
a
lawn
dart
as
Garth
Brooks
gives
birth
to
something
Resembling
a
cheddar
cheese
log
with
almonds
on
Santa
Claus's
tummy-tum?"
Well,
ten
beers,
twenty
minutes
and
thirty
dollars
later
I'm
parkin'
the
beef
bus
in
tuna
town
if
you
know
what
I
mean.
Got
to
nail
her
back
at
her
trailer.
Heh.
That
rhymes.
I
have
to
admit
it
was
even
more
of
a
turn-on
When
I
found
out
she
was
doin'
me
to
buy
baby
formula.
Yes,
a
lap
dance
is
so
much
better
when
the
stripper
is
cryin'
Yes,
a
lap
dance
is
so
much
better
when
the
stripper
is
cryin'
Well
I
find
it's
quite
a
thrill
When
she
grinds
me
against
her
will
Yes,
a
lap
dance
is
so
much
better
when
the
stripper
is
cryin'
Day
or
so
had
passed
when
I
popped
the
clutch,
Gave
the
tranny
a
spin
and
slid
on
into
The
Stinky
Pinky
Gulp
N'
Guzzle
Big
Rig
Snooze-A-Stop.
There
I
was
browsin'
through
the
latest
issue
of
"Throb",
When
I
saw
Bambi
starin'
at
me
from
the
back
of
a
milk
carton.
Well,
my
heart
just
dropped.
So,
I
decided
to
do
what
any
good
Christian
would.
You
can
not
imagine
how
difficult
it
is
to
hold
a
half
gallon
of
moo
juice
And
polish
the
one-eyed
gopher
when
you're
doin'
seventy-five
In
an
eighteen-wheeler.
I
never
thought
missing
children
could
be
so
sexy.
Did
I
say
that
out
loud?
Yes,
a
lap
dance
is
so
much
better
when
the
stripper
is
cryin'
Yes,
a
lap
dance
is
so
much
better
when
the
stripper
is
cryin'
Well
I
find
it's
quite
a
thrill
When
she
grinds
me
against
her
will
Yes,
a
lap
dance
is
so
much
better
when
the
stripper
is
cryin'
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