Lyrics Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday - Brad Paisley

And now the grand old opera theater proudly presents a special holiday edition of the Adventures of the Kung Pao Buckaroos
Well, it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday
Whatever you do watch what you say
If you're easily offended well that's okay
It's a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday
We catch up with our three cowboys one cold December night huddled around a camp fire.
How 'bout we sing some holiday songs?
Yeah, hey George, you wanna lead us off?
Yeah, I got one.
Oh Chri-biip-mas tree oh Chri-biip-mas tree how lovely are thy branches...
Why am I getting bleeped again?
Haven't you heard guys? You can't say Chri-biip-mas you gotta say Holiday
I can't say Chri-biip-mas?
No, you might offend somebody.
Who is offended by Chri-biip-mas?
You know you might offend the biiiips and the biiiips and the atheists.
What?
Time to politically correct.
I'll lead this off.
On the first day of Chri-biip-mas my true love said to me...
Jimmy, are you listening?
What?
You can't say Chri-biip-mas.
Why not?
If you can say he-biiiip on the last record,
Why can't I say Chri-biip-mas?
I didn't make the rules.
Hey listen guys, it's not that difficult, all you gotta do is change Chri-biip-mas to Holiday.
You know, instead of saying white Chri-biip-mas, you say I'm dreaming of a whi-biiip Holiday.
Why did I get bleeped?
You've got to say Caucasian.
So I have to sing, I'm dreaming of a Caucasian holiday?
Sure, that won't offend anyone.
Well, it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday,
Whatever you do watch what you say
If you're easily offended well that's okay
Why do these people have to feel that way? How come they get offended so easily?
It's a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday
I'm just trying to come up with a song here.
Let's sing one together, everybody ready? George?
Ready.
Bill you ready?
I'm ready.
Jimmy? Jimmy? Jimmy?
Okay!
We three kings of or-biiiiiiiiip are bearing gifts we've traveled real far...
Sorry boys, you have to say Asia now.
What?
Oh, come on just try.
I've got to get hyped up for this.
We three kings of Asia are...
That sounds like horse cr-biiiip
Oh lord, okay. How 'bout Little Drummer boy?
Nope, that offends short people.
And you can't say drummer 'cause that'll offend real musicians.
How 'bout little –hahaha- town of Bethlehem.
What's with all the short jokes?
Hey how 'bout we do Silent Night?
No, it offends people hard of hearin' and afraid of the dark.
What did he say about a shark?
SHARK?
This happens every year.
Well, it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday,
Whatever you do watch what you say,
If you're easily offended well that's okay,
It's a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday.
Ho! ho! ho!
No.
I can't say ho?
No, you might offend some... women.
So basically, we can't sing anything?
I think that's a bunch of bull biiiip.
Softer, George, it's more effective.
I think that's a bunch of bull biiiip.
Wait just a dar-biip minute...
No, no, no.
You now what? I don't care who we offend, I'm gonna sing Chri-biip-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-biip-mas carols.
Louder, Bill, it's more effective.
I don't care who we offend, I'm gonna sing Chri-biip-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-biip-mas carols.
Me too.
We wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, we wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, we wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, and a happy ne-biip year.
We can't say new; it'll offend the old folks.
And you better not offend them.
Us...