The Return

Yo, it's the return of the Gifted Gifter
The Secret Santa grab-bag sifter
The Grinch, sleigh hanging off the ledge deadlifter
The best thrifter, the tearjerker
The Santa's little help employee of the year worker

The smile bringer, the joy inside the child lingers
The boy inside the crowd proud, he's a loud singer
The whole choir, the bow tier
The snowplow and the snow tires, the coat buyer

The "Oh, you shouldn't haver," the Birkin bagger
The gifted rapper, they told me it's the thought that counts
But really it's the count that matters
Accounting hacker
Bank amount countin' backwards a thousand smackers

It's the return of Kris Kringle, the piss singles, that shit tingles
Sendin' checks twice 'cause the name's on the list wrinkled
My chips Pringles, my chips been gold
My green mean go, your green mean slow

It's the young born again, good hood ornament
With a little chicken like a Cornish hen, Amazon ordering
Cohiba importer of Evergreen water in
Rapping all night, will he ever bring the chorus in?
Fireplace bright like I threw ten menorahs in
Ten more kinaras and a whole fucking forest, then
I buy the doll in the mall that the store is in
I hide the presents in the dresser and the drawer it's in

My dawg doin' moves, he said this shit is on the floor again
Feds was on his trail but he got 50 names in Oregon
I bought cases bigger than the suits that you see Lori in
James still sittin' but I'm sendin' a DeLorean

Look, it's Mister Christmas Bonus
Mr. Made His Brothers Bands, Mr. Nich'las Jonas
Mr. Big Cojones but bigger heart
That's where the homeless home is
The Home Alone kid

It's the return of Kevin McCallister, the Swiss mister
The hot chocolate mixer that gets pictures
And big, big cousin misser, the quick fixer
The Wizard of Oz, big blizzard, the big gifter

Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh