Lyrics ...Happy - Cohen

There's confliction in my mind
Messages repelling each other
They never intertwine
Each intrusive thought only clutters

Self-reflection has forced me to see that I can't always be happy

If I seem down to you, I just hope that you understand
And it's clear by now that I might could use a hand

Please don't let me overthink; I'll only make myself sad
I'll become aware of emotions I never knew I had
I'll feel the malice of those who tried to bend and break me
The temptation of lust
The scathing burden of envy
I'll feel the guilt at the words I wish I would've said and shame at the embarrassment I am in their heads
This fear is second nature, the aversion to speak 'cause if you caught a glimpse of my thoughts
Then how would you view me

The truth is that I need an outlet for help, and no one can hurt me worse than what I inflict on myself
I'm a forced optimist and a self-reserved addict, trying to always look forward and not revert into a cynic
I've suppressed all the problems that are making me sick

I've got a lot of bad habits
That I still need to kick

But what do I do when I'm both the one who puts me down, and the only one who can turn it around?

My purpose has been lost for years but I've been searching every night
Every now and then, it feels a little closer
The more truth I spill out when I write

If I transfer my thoughts onto paper, conjure a verse
Maybe they won't get worse

The tightrope I tread frays
I stumble over my contrite
It seems the only means for me to cope
Lie in the words of the songs that I write

I can't be the only one who feels this way
Maybe there's a glimmer of hope in the words that I say

Or maybe it's all a pathetic charade
Maybe someday I'll see
Through my mind's masquerade

Maybe I don't need to put myself first
Just keep you content with all my might
'Cause if you are happy with me
I swear I'll be alright

Maybe I need to take my own advice
Maybe your assurance is enough to suffice
Maybe I can live if you all listen and smile
My words are all I can offer
I hope they're enough to keep you awhile

You want the truth?
I fucking hate myself
I've thought more about an exit than a means to stay
I've thought that maybe I'm strong enough to keep these burdens at bay
But I'm not
I feel love, but can't love myself
I cut my ties and put the barrel to my mental health
No one deserves the burden I cast
I need to accept I'll never change
I'll keep feeling like a fuckup, an inducer of stress
Prepare to lose the ones I love in the process

Maybe I shouldn't rely on the thoughts of others to keep me at rest
'Cause no matter how they see me, I'll always feel second best

Maybe every goal I set isn't meant to be reached
Maybe I'm exempt from all the words that I've preached
Maybe I'm at my best when I'm striving to please
Maybe my purpose in this is to keep you all happy