Lyrics A Shadow of Doubt - Dale

I remember, my little niece ran up to me and told me, "
We learned about Jesus today.
" And I could tell by her smile she was so excited to learn about
This man she did not quite know yet,
But she knew without a doubt for it to
Be true because, after all, Mommy said so.
And that was the first time in my life that I
Looked into the eyes of a child and envied them.
Because she had no idea of what it feels like to doubt.
What it feels like to have your entire
Belief system overload with skepticism.
To never know the day that you would
Finally live beyond the shadow of a doubt.
I have lived in its darkness for so long.
It seems that I have all the right questions,
But never enough answers and my faith is
Small enough to fit in the cracks of my palms, God.
Every night I lay my head down to sleep,
The city of my mind is attacked by a legion of questions
Threatening the living rooms of my sanity and holding them hostage.
Can You help me?
Last year, my grandmother laid in a hospital bed
Like a bus stop, waiting for God to come pick her up.
I had never seen such pain and such
Confidence living in the same eyes when she told me, "
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
But I know who I belong to." And I was so happy for her.
And something inside of me wished that somehow before she passed
Away she could pass her confidence
Down to me like an old family picture.
I remember sitting in the back row of a cold sanctuary crying because
I desperately wanted what the preacher was saying to be true but my
Doubts were preaching a sermon of their own and the
Streams of my tears turned into oceans of frustration.
I remember sitting a college classroom and the only thing
Being tested is my faith in God, the only thing passing is my hope.
Me.
And a backpack full of fear.
And nowhere to go.
No one to help me unpack.
I sleep.
I sleep, but I never rest.
These lines around my lines are not wrinkles they are
Maps that show you the winding roads that lead to my pain.
I'm tired.
I'm tired and I'm longing for the day that I can place my fingers in
His nail-pierced hands because honestly
I've considered quitting but where will I go?
Back?
There's no home for the living in the land of the dead.
So I keep pressing forward.
Today I have faith but I can't make any promises about tomorrow.
I'm surprised I held on this long.
God, just make me feel like I'm not crazy.
God, let me know that I'm not just
Making friends with these walls when I pray.
I'm not questioning You, I just got questions.
Don't leave me here.
Don't leave me.
My child, my child,
When it seems like you have all the right questions,
But not enough answers,
And your faith is small enough to fit in the cracks of your palms,
I told you faith the size of mustard seeds can
Rearrange whole landscapes and turn mountains into open highways.
Faith comes by My Word, so maybe you've cuffed your ears.
My child, don't be childish.
But consider the child whose faith has not
Quite learned the definition of impossible.
Have your questions.
I'm not telling you to have blind faith.
I'm telling you to consider the blind men who had faith
And believed My Words before they were even able to see Me.
Consider the birds that eat from My hand and do not fall from the sky
Without My consent so how much more
Will I love the ones that I died for?
Before you doubt Me, doubt your doubts.
Doubt your doubts and you will see they are
Just as empty as the tomb that I walked from.
The truth is, you know I'm here.
You know My truth and you're scared.
Scared of what that means.
Scared of what that should cost you.
That one day they will all laugh at you.
Laugh you right out of their
Classrooms and scorn you out of courtrooms.
But My love serves as an eviction notice to anxiety.
When they cast stones, My love casts out fear.
I am the Author and the Finisher of your fate.
I have never started a work that I will not finish.
I am the One.
I am the One who will give you
Courage to stare death in the face and say, "
How dare you try to scare me.
I know who I belong to."
And when it feels like you're drowning.
When it feels like you are drowning in a
Sea of your questions, just know I'm there.
I'm there.
Like when I drowned in the red sea of My blood for you.
These hands that took holes will hold you.
And when I told you that I would love you forever, I meant it.
Don't you see these rings in my hands?
See, we are married.
For better or for worse.
Through sickness and in health.
Through faith and through questions.
'Til death brings us closer, you are Mine.
You are Mine.
And I am yours.
I promise.