Lyrics There's No Business Like Show Business - Elaine Stritch

Ladies and gentleman
Elaine Stritch at Liberty

Well
It's like the prostitute once said
"It's not the work, it's the stairs"

The costumes

The costume designer for Company had me wearing ¿?
And I do not know why
But I figured
The part I played, Joanne, she drank
So, one night she just mixed them up

Later on in the run, however, I was told to wear my ¿?
On my downstage ear

The scenery
Curtain went up one night ¿?
I played the first scene of "Bus Stop" with Phyllis Love. No laughs
Very strange
The stagemanager had goof
The curtain was up, the asbestos was down

The make-up
I hated it
I needed it

The props

One night, the propman on ¿?
Forgot to set a revolver underneath the husbands napkin
The husband was suposed to shoot the wife across the breakfast table
On cue, no revolver
The husband grabs a fist-full of ¿?
And shouts to his wife across the breakfast table
"I'm gonna kill you, hahaha, with this poison jelly"

That's a great actor
It's a lousy propman

The audience that lifts you when you're down

Not in "Three delicate ladies" in Boston
Not in the ¿?
Not in "Dancing on the N-Zone with a coconut girl playhouse"
And not in "High found April" at the
Liberty Playhouse in ¿? Pennsylvania

To mention just a few

The headaches
The heartaches
The backaches
The flops

Been there
Done that
Got all the t-shirts

The sheriff who'll escort you out of town

Or not exactly out of town
But out of the variety club
In Philadelphia
In a flop
Drunk and disorderly
At five o'clock in the morning
Well...

The opening when your heart beats like a drum

I'll drink to that
And did

The closing when the customers won't come

Shit!

There's no business like show business
Like no business I know
Everything about it is appealing
Everything that traffic will allow
Nowhere could you get that happy feeling
When you are stealing that extra bow

1954, the Ed Sullivan Show
"Tonight, ladies and gentleman
In a really big show
The showstopper from 'On Your Toes'
Aileen Street"

At 18210 ¿? drive in the suburbs of Detroit, Michigan
My mother clicked off the television set and went upstairs to bed
"I'll watch it when he gets her name right!"
My father watched alone

There's no people like show people
They smile when they are low
Good for them!
Even with a turkey that you know has fold
You may be stranded out in the cold
Still you wouldn't trade it for a sack of gold
Hahahahahaha
Try me

You have a ¿?
No, maybe you left it in the cab
Did you, maybe, leave it in the cab?

Yesterday they told you, you would not go far
That night you open and there you are
Next day on your dressing room they've hung a star

There's good news and there's bad news
Good news: I have got a sensational acceptance speech for a Tony
Bad news: I've had it for 45 years

Let's go
On with the
And one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight

Let's get on with it
Why not? Get on with it
Shidubidubidubidubi
Yeah! Let's get on with the show
Why not?