Lyrics Panty Rap - Frank Zappa

Hello there
Welcome to the show
No, we are not going to play ′Cheepnis' - that′s right
But we are collecting underpants, and we are collecting brassieres, we are collecting small articles of feminine underclothing
We are making a quilt, really - trust me
So here's the deal, if you're a girl and you′re wearing a dress, whip ′em off, that's it, see?
No problem
Even with a pin, what does it say? Nobody′s perfect', I guess so...
What we got here? Oh
Now let′s see what's on the inside
Uh huh, trainer coos, okay
S′more, s'more
Underpants, brassieres, just send 'em up, no problem
Oh, you′ll warm up to it
If you′re wearing pants and you have bikinis on underneath your pants, rip the edges and pull 'em out
If you′re wearing those big old ugly cotton jobs go to the toilet and take 'em off, okay?
So far, ladies and gentlemen, the response from this particular community has not been especially gratifying
Perhaps you′re a little bit too intellectual here
Here's something, tasteful, very tasteful
You′ll get into it
Oh, some more - look - it's almost like going to a, well, never mind
Heh, heh, heh
I just want to remind you that you are in direct competition with Chicago, which so far has produced the highest yield of female underclothes of any place in the United States
Oh, here's one, thank you very much
Chicago, if you′ll recall, was the town in which we received the very famous Voodoo Butter Underpants
Heh, heh, the pants that nearly broke Tommy Mars′ neck
As soon as he took a whiff of those, his head went back this far, and he was heard to mutter 'Jeezus′
So, we don't care what kind of condition they′re in
What've we got here? ′Twat Book', okay
Uh huh, very good - Zeets, whadduya think?
He already has that one, no problem, though
Well, tonight you're gonna be entertained by Ike Willis on guitar and vocals
Tommy Mars on keyboards and ′Jeezus′
You're also going to be entertaining yourselves a little bit, but don′t worry about it
Steve Vai on guitar, vocals and light blue hair
Another contestant over there
Oh, some more? Okay
Vinnie Colaiuta on booklet
Now what does this say?
Hi Frank, how about' what does this say?
My hat from the... how about wearing my hat... wearing...
How about this, this is a college community, right?
How about wearing, w-e-r-e-i-n-g never mind
Arthur Barrow on bass
Bob Harris on keyboards, high vocal trumpet and vegetables
And, ladies and gentlemen, the world-famous Ray White on guitar and vocals
Okay, you ready? One, two, three, four...