Lyrics Smell My Beard - Original Version - Frank Zappa

FZ: Now the sound that you hear in the background right now is the sound caused by George Duke, agitating two metal insignias.
These are badges that he removed from a couple of boogers that Marty tried to palm off on him in the last town that we were— that he we was in.
Actually they're booger pasties and he's hitting the, the booger pasty with a little stick to get a very interesting musical effect.
You know, he does this every night, and sometimes he becomes so overwrought, so excited by the fact that he's actually touching a piece of metal that might have at one time come in contact with the actual flesh of a booger bear.
George: Ooh, Lord, have mercy .. .
FZ: And so sometimes he misses it, and he hits his thumb and he hurts himself .. .
Yes, it hurts very much.
But he likes pain.
We can tell that he likes pain because he's in this group.
George: But, but, it's very close to other things .. .
FZ: Yes, but later that night after George was finished fondling the booger pasty, a thought came to his mind: "
How, how can I possibly get any nook tonight in Passaic if I don't put this thing down and play the piano and get funky for these people." And so, George, as you say in your language, took it away!
George: But before we get funky, the continuing stories of .. .
Napoleon: Boogie-The-Bay!
Mother: Moon Trek!
Napoleon: Ha ha ha!
George: The .. .
No, this ain't Moon Trek this time, we go to Moon Trek next show.
This is the continuing stories of the boogers of Marty Perellis.
Do you all know who he is?
There he is.
He got a white shirt on an' a .. .
FZ: Your two hunderd and fifty closest relatives, the Mothers of Invention!
George: Yes.
Anyway, it was in my room.
I invited some people over.
Young ladies.
They looked interesting.
Their names shall go unmentioned.
FZ: The reason they looked interesting is because they apparently were intelligent enough to dress themselves.
George: Anyway, what was happening was ... nothing.
Ha ha, wasn't nothing happening, ha!
So I said, "Let's get this party on the road." I said, "
Lemme call the road manager." I said: "What's your name?
Marty Perellis, come down here and meet Miss Cool, Miss Jew & Miss eh .. .
Napoleon: Stool!
George: Miss Stool.
Napoleon: Ha ha ha ha!
George: So we, so Marty got in there and he was there about five minutes and all of a sudden I began to hear other things.
I said, "What you doing over there?"
I said, "I ain't never heard nobody do that kind of thing before."
I said: "Come out of that corner.
What's wrong with you?" And so he commenced it.
We were all kinda— Jeff said, "Man, what you doing over there?" And all it was .. .
FZ: Really whipping it, just whipping it into a frenzy.
George: All of a sudden he was gone!
I looked around and Marty had took the booger out his room.
I said: "Where you going?" He went down to his room, which was room 33.
An hour later I went to his room.
I knocked on his door.
I said, "What you doin'?"
He said .. .
I said, "Say that again ... "
I said, "Ho ho." It was late.
We had an eight o'clock wake-up.
You all know what that is.
Eight o'clock wake-up!
Eight o'clock wake-up!
Eight o'clock wake-up!
Eight o'clock wake-up!
Eight o'clock wake-up!
Eight o'clock wake-up!
AAHRRRR .. .
So Marty came out in the hall and looked at Napoleon and said, can I say this?
He said, "Smell my beard."
Napoleon: Ha ha ha ha ha ha .. .
George: I said, "You must be crazy." Ahhh ... ha ha!
Napoleon: I had to smell it ... ah ha ha!
George: Show how y'was walking, Marty.
And he said, "Smell my beard." I said, "
I ain't gonna smell nothing," Napoleon said, "I'll ... "
Napoleon: Check it out, I told her I'd check it out and make sure .. .
George: Anyway if you wanna hear what happened the rest of the night .. .
Napoleon: You know what it smelled like .. .
FZ: Marty's odor.
George: Come to the next show for the continuing stories of .. .
Napoleon: Marty's odor
George: Marty Trek.
But for now we go to .. .
Napoleon: Marty's odor