Lyrics Doubt Myself - Fulltime229

Sometimes I wonder will I ever overcome it
This feeling in my stomach like I'm doomed no matter what I do
Tired of feeling broken feeling hopeless got me smoking like a chimney
Reminiscing wishing you were still here with damn
Lord forgive me I been sinning for a minute
Just trying to find the remedy to feel at peace to feel im free
I pay the fee but the price ain't cheap
And the only one I can blame is me
Late night when I hit my knees I
Pray the lord my soul to keep I
Make promises I never keep
Calm down boy you getting to deep
Still still fighting these same ol demons
Still searching for purpose and meaning silently scream
Wishing that I could go back in time
They say woke but I'd rather be blind
Sick of forcing myself to smile
When On the inside I just feel like a lie
Feel like they think I'm somebody
I'm not the higher I climb the more that I feel like I'm falling
Just waiting to lose it all when I hit the ground
Because ain't that the way it goes
Staying high to escape the lows
Will I find my peace in mind or die trying only God knows

I hope one day I find my peaceful place
Where I am not afraid the sun shines everyday it never rains
A place where I can finally feel at home
A place where no one judges books by cover no one's throwing stones
A place where I feel safe to be my self where I don't feel alone
And my mistakes do not dictate my growth it only shows how far I've truly come

And still I wonder will I ever rise above it
These voices in my head that say I'll never be enough
Probably why I'm hard to love
Probably why I turn to drugs
Because the dope ain't never leave me lonely
Know it's just a temporary fix to deal with emotions
To hide from thoughts inside my mind reminding me I'm broken
Hard to focuse on the light when your surrounded by the darkness
Hardest part of letting God is letting go just being honest
No controls a scary feeling such a bitter pill to swallow
Lately I been feeling hollow like these empty liquor bottles
I heard it's lonely at the top but hell it's lonely at the bottom
Must be crazy spent my life trying to escape and just to prosper
Can you relate to my trauma
Like getting beat by my father
The black sheep of my family all for the name I was given
Like I was set up for failure
Not knowing the burdens I'd carry these crosses all I'd inherit
From a man that I called my daddy