Lyrics Second Announcements - George Carlin

Get one now! Everybody has one! They′re almost gone! They're portable, lightweight, easy to use, collapsible, convenient and guaranteed! Get one now! The new Super Jumbo Deluxe! Handy, pre-wrapped, designer colors and available in all sizes! Get one now! They won′t rust, tarnish, blister, crack or peel but they might kill you.
Hello, I'm Howard Beamer and I'm running for state′s Attorney General. This is my pledge to you. I promise that if anyone breaks the law, I will personally go to his or her house and beat the shit out of ′em!
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The following statement is true
The preceding statement was false
(TV promo)
On Saturday morning, it's adventure time! Don′t miss 'Frontier′! The story of thirty people who brave bitter weather, loneliness, disease, starvation and hostile Indians to reach Utah, only to find they don't like it there. Then it′s 'Ranger Dan and his Big Dog, Dick'! Or ′Ranger Dan and his Big Dog Dick!′