Lyrics The Borgias are Having an Orgy - Hermione Gingold

This is a song for people who HATE other people:
The Borgias are having an orgy
There's a Borgia Orgy tonight
And isn't it sickening, we've run out of strychnine
The gravy with have to have ground glass for thickening
The poisoned chianti is terrible
Scanty, but everything else is alright
There's arsenic mixed in the mock turtle soup
I've hidden an asp in the iced cantaloupe
And straight benzadrine in the apricot coupe
At the Borgia Orgy tonight
Our guests are exclusively chosen
From people who give us a pain
The cream of the joke is the knowledge
That they won't come here again.
We'll all be most frightfully hearty
At the Borgia Orgy tonight
For the Duke's eldest son
There's a monstrous cream bun
Soaked in hot prussic acid
It's all good clean fun
The tank in the ladies
Will blow them to Hades
If anyone turns on the light
The bodies will fall through a trap door below
To the Tiber and drift out to sea on the flow.
We think we can promise a jolly good show
At the Borgia Orgy tonight.
We revel in giving a party
A fate or a fancy dress ball
There's always a nice game of bingo
And a good time had by all
The Borgia's are giving and orgy
There's a Borgia Orgy tonight
I've poissant tomaine
That will rack them with pain
We've nothing to lose
And a whole lot to gain
We are pushing some people we know off a steeple
It should be a wonderful sight
We've bricked up some cousins of ours in a wall
Their agonized cries won't disturb us at all
As we sit here sipping our wormwood and gall
It's delicious!
At the Borgia Orgy tonight
We've got all the nobles of Naples
For the Borgia Orgy tonight
The soup minestrone is frightfully phony
And laudanum reeks in the stewed macaroni
We are feeling no pain
When they eat the henbane
In the third tangerine from the right
When the butler flings open the dining room door
There's a cunning contraption
Concealed in the floor
We wonder who will sit on the circular saw
At the Borgia Orgy tonight.