Lyrics Celebration Song - Holding Absence

I'm alive
I'm alive
To the existential dread
I let run through my head
The truth is that you hurt me for so long
And here's my celebration song
I know that years from now
When my final flame runs out
I'll be a grain of sand
Running through a stranger's hand
But right now
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I lived to see today
I lost so much along the way
And that's fine
'Cause I'm alive
I've been so hurt for so long
I've been so hurt for so long
I've been so hurt for so long
I've been so hurt for so long
Well, I'm done
Trying to run
From all the things that make me feel alive
For fear that I might just catch fire
'Cause I've earned
A couple days amongst the sun
God knows I've more than paid my dues
For all the months that I didn't wanna live through
The sleepless nights, the bloodshot eyes
This blissful pain contextualized
I went to death's door, he let me inside
But for all my want, he couldn't look me in the eyes, I
I've been so hurt for so long