Lyrics The Markiplier Rap - J.T. Machinima

Who's a YouTube star we all admire?
A drunken miner who just retired
To become a part-time chef, plus a diver
Hark the herald, it's Markiplier!
A friend of Slender, and a star designer
But he's not a doctor you'd want to hire (nope!)
A gravitational law-defier
He taught a gosh darn shark to fly, word!
Like a bird, he'll drop a sky turd
Amnesia - he forgot a lighter
Mark's a guy who's one tough survivor
But he'll run and hide because he's not a fighter
Who's your daddy? Markiplier!
An awesome father - not what I heard
He met a hot ghost and tried to wife her
Also, he's an awful biker
Who likes to ride over sharpened items
Not like it was hard to find 'em
Sexy Mark can fill your heart's desires
He'll pick up chicks and drop one-liners
He's so hot, his hair could start a fire
Don't be shocked if Mark is tired
Like a guard who worked for five long all-nighters
He's on the clock, someone start the timer
Was that Foxy? Hope he's not a biter
Nevermind, it was just Darkiplier
Not gonna lie, it's hard to rhyme words
When you got a name like Markiplier
His Draw My Life had us all inspired
I teared up and I'm not a crier
I would rather light my farts on fire
Than ever stop watching Markiplier
That was weird, I'm gonna stop right there
I sing the chorus while I dye my hair
You've shocked, you've scared, you've surprised
Just take us along for the ride
When you laugh, we laugh
And we've cried with you
When you crap your pants
You know we do too
You're the man who's leading
All of us down a dangerous road
Remember when you start screaming
That you will never scream alone
Where'd he come from, where'd he go
Nope, nope, nope, oh I'm so boned
Nothing wrong here, all fine and dandy
I'm the King of Five Nights at Freddy's
Also known as the King of Squirrels
And he's always smooth when he talks to girls
"Hey baby, just so you know
All you gotta do is press B to blow"
Watch your back for the crazed butt stabber
"I'm so brave!" That doesn't matter!
Punch 'em straight in the gabba gabba
Gotta go fast, go faster faster!
How did his feet get spun around backwards?
Why is he covered in pancake batter?
Stand up, put your hands up
If you're a fan of staring at bananas
Boo! Jumpscares galore
Don't break your chair and end up on the floor
You do you, and I'll do me
And we won't do each other, probably
Having fun? I was starting to
Til it became a dick-punching party dude
Hosted by the one and only Markimoo
What'd you eat? That's a lot of poo
You've shocked, you've scared, you've surprised
Just take us along for the ride
When you laugh, we laugh
And we've cried with you
When you crap your pants
You know we do too
You're the man who's leading
All of us down a dangerous road
Remember when you start screaming
That you will never scream alone
Here's a look, far from weird
Pink mustache, zero beard
See this man, you'd best steer clear
Sources say he should be feared
He don't take no shit from nobody
If you mess with him, you're gonna get bloody
Oh no, he's dead!
Wilford Warfstache knows what's best
Markiplier's kinda like Slim Shady
He's got a lotta faces, all of 'em are crazy
They'll make you laugh
They'll make you cry
I will see you in the next video
Bye-bye!
You've shocked, you've scared, you've surprised
Just take us along for the ride
When you laugh, we laugh
And we've cried with you
When you crap your pants
You know we do too
You're the man who's leading
All of us down a dangerous road
Remember when you start screaming
That you will never scream alone