Lyrics Open Letter - Jay10

I can′t see past all these pastures
I can't pray
I can′t even pray to my pastor
On my knees begging please can give you me an answer
Or a soul
Cause I lost my old one
And I could try hold one
But now my homes gone
I lost all the hope that I'd make it back home
So I'm out here all alone
I fell in love at the age of fourteen
When our dreams were aligned and i played for your team
Now I′m nineteen
And after all the things that I′ve seen Im a tiring man
And I'm entirely twisted
A tiring misfit
Tired of wishing
That my phone is gonna call and someone is gonna save me
I′ve been stuck up in this place so I guess it's time for me to change me
So
Who′s jay
Tell me who's jay
Am I the man that parents would have hoped
Am I the boy who′s gonna make it back home
Who's jay
Tell me who's jay
Am I the man that parents would have hoped
Am I the boy who′s gonna make it back home

Nah I′m not I switched up
Did it for the gang
Twisted in the drugs it never made to a man
If I pray to God can he show me what's the plan
And if he can′t I'll just pop another xan

Cause after all the Doja I′ve been smoking
Never gave me closure
Only made me closer to the edge
And after all these thoughts in my head
The demons on my back they tried to take me to the death
But no
They'll never kill me
The drugs never filled me
Fighting to the end cause the pain never thrilled me
The drugs are unfunfilling
And I see my cups spilling
They runneth over
So I′m running till it's over

So who's jay
Yeah who′s jay
Am I the boy that my parents would have hoped
Am I the boy that′s gonna make it back home

So is it real life or am I just at home in the night
My brother told me I'd recover and I hoped he was right
He′s holding me tight telling me I've got Another life
But she left me in the dark and I need another light
Couldn′t find it in myself I put my feelings on a shelf
Followed by the demons I've been healing in a hell
Shouting in the dark like I′ve been screaming in a well
And the waters getting deeper as the well is getting steeper
I can't breathe cause the water's in my lungs
Mother Nature said she loved me but she′s slaughtering her son
It′s just like I feared that I'm numb to my fears