Lyrics Lost - Kagwe Mungai

I'm a little lost and a little broken searching for the
Answers in the wrong women feeling frozen up ready to talk
I'm barely coping trynna figure how to be a man and keep my heart open
So I'm suffering in silence
Still trynna find the balance dying inside
Looking for a sign and smiling for the cameras
I've been drinking way too much did i mention that i
Don't recognize myself in this pages when I'm writing raps
It's all pretend
And I'm lying to all my friends I'll probably
Never open up i don't think that they'll understand
But I hope that they do and i hope they see
Cuz they mean everything to me man they're my family
This man is the price to success
And going on only means there's no innocence left
Cuz i don't have either all i have is my breath
My momma probably listening and clutching her chest, momma
All them prayers all them prayers all them prayers that you said
All them sacrifices that you made are all ringing in my head
When i see you staying up trynna hustle for the rent is
When i realize i don't have the strength to follow in your steps
And to my Ex, yes you
I still pray everyday from far away that the lord would bless you
There's a part of me that wishes i never met you
That you never built me up to feel so fucking special
But what you gave me no one else can never take away
And where i put you in my heart no one can ever stay in
I know you found a man I hope he's holding you down
Hope he nourishes his soul and is shining your crown
And treats you like the queen that you are
Feeds you all the foods and in the hotel that you love
You'll always be my star
I just wish i could've been the man that gets to hold you in my arms
I'm not supposed to have regrets supposed to say it with my chest
Walk and talk like a man and let them know I'm the best
I'm really not,
Haven't felt like it in months and maybe
Years I'm the definition of bed covered in tears
Insecurities and shame expectations that i felt
Standards that I'm told haven't and always be the same
See I'm 27 and don't have a thing to my name
I'm a celebrity and only got one friend in the game
Broke for too long I've been broke
Depressed and i hope maybe one day
All these words will make a brother show
All to a lost generation of men to redefine masculinity and pretend
But we really just human and not emotionally dead
Tell my little brother to cry and feel for his man
No pause no "no homos" no ending with man
No smiling through the sadness cuz i definitely can't
Liike saying I love you to a brother or a
Dude won't change anything God put inside of you
It's so sickening I'm sick of it and I'm tired and I'm done
Now let's see what happens when i face the barrel of this gun