Lyrics Adelaide's Lament - Kim Criswell

The average unmarried female,
Basically insecure,
Due to some long frustration may react
With psychosomatic symptoms,
Difficult to endure,
Affecting the upper respiratory tract.

In other words,
Just from waiting around for that plain little band of gold,
A person can develop a cold.
You can spray her wherever you figure the streptococci lurk,
You can give her a shot for whatever she's got, but it just won't work.
If she's tired of getting the fisheye from the hotel clerk,
A person can develop a cold.

(Spoken) It says here...
(Sung) The female remaining single,
Just in the legal sense,
Has a neurotic tendency, see note. (spoken) Tendency see no-- Oh! See note.
(Sung) Chronic, organic syndromes,
Toxic or hypertense,
Affecting the eye, the ear, the nose, or throat.

In other words,
Just from worrying whether the wedding is on or off,
A person can develop a cough.
You can feed her all day with the Vitamin A and the Bromo fizz,
But the medicine never get's anywhere near where the trouble is.
If she's getting a kind of a name for herself, and the name ain't his,
A person can develop a cough.

And furthermore,
Just from stalling and stalling and stalling the wedding trip,
A person can develop La Grippe.
When they get on that train to Niagra, she can hear the churchbells chime.
The compartment is air conditioned and the mood sublime.
Then they get off at Saratoga for the fourteenth time,
A person can develop La Grippe, La Grippe, La post-nasal drip,
With the wheezes, and the sneezes, and the sinuses really a pip!
From a lack of community property and a feeling she's getting to old,
A person can develop a big bad cold.