Lyrics pretending to be okay is mentally exhausting - Lil Waste

For the past fourteen years
Life has been a constant struggle
Of somatic detachment, Disappointment
Intrusive thoughts and self-destruction
That's not to say that there weren't any good times
The scarcity really makes you appreciate them
But it can also leave you wondering when the next one will be
And how long it'll last
Good things can't last forever
Crying myself to sleep
I'm in my dreams, I'm wandering
When will I be okay? Fuck me
Death is on its way, I'll wait for you
I wait for you
I've burnt so many bridges
I've made so many mistakes
And missed out on opportunities
To see loved ones who are now suspended in the ether
God, I miss them
Every day becomes a continuous battle
Between nihilism and existentialism
Whether there's meaning to any of this
Or if it's all just chaos
Someday, My time will come
That's one certainty I can be sure of
And I'll find out the truth
For now, I'll live my possibly insignificant
Existence by finding myself
And creating my own meaning
Appreciating the beauty in the cosmos
And slowly festering in this prison
In which I find a lone spring blossom flower and I wait
Crying myself to sleep
I'm in my dreams, I'm wandering
When will I be okay? Fuck me
Death is on its way, I'll wait for you, I wait for you