Lyrics dating me is like a Cambridge term (Acoustic) - Louise Harris

All boys, they try to date me
They don't know that I'm crazy
I'm getting DMs daily
Get a life
'Cause although I like rejecting ugly mugs
I get too many cocky thugs
Who say I'm meant to be their wife
(Okay)

So go home, take off your nikes
'Cause

Dating me is like a Cambridge term
By the fifth week you are completely burnt out
Emotionally destroyed and suicidal
It's like a job at an accountancy firm
You think it's stable, steady income
But when something goes wrong
Guess who is liable
And if you think I'm full of shit
Take one last look at your dick
'Cause I'm an undiagnosed bitch
Dating me is like

My previous ex, we had good sex
But then I finished him off
(Oi oi)
I'd make him vexed, till he'd lose sense
Wasn't me who chopped it off
(Wasn't me)
I'd make him cry, then say goodbye
Like a cashier in Greggs
I'm so sorry sir, I know you're hurt
But there are no sausages left

So can't you see boys you are blessed?
'Cause

Dating me is like a Cambridge term
By the fifth week you are completely burnt out
Emotionally destroyed and suicidal
It's like a job at an accountancy firm
You think it's stable, steady income
But when something goes wrong
Guess who is liable
And if you think I'm full of shit
Get in line, I'll dice your dick
'Cause I'm a fucking mental bitch
Dating me is like

But I wish I knew the reason I hate them so
Guess it's just another game, call it bingo
'Cause they keep calling out their numbers
No one cares
And you don't get to win me
Sit down in your chairs

'Cause

Dating men is like an Oxford term
All spunk, no sperm
You think they learn
But all they do is leave you longing for a
Vaccine
(Get it, Oxford, haha)
Dating men is like acute heartburn
You wish you never swallowed
It's like Covid fucking 19
Stay in quarantine
(I mean it, stay safe)
I guess the reason that I'm mad
Is all the boys I've ever had
Are just really fucking bad
Dating men is like

Losing the battle of Stalingrad
Dating men is like
Losing your cherry as an undergrad
Dating men is like
Spotify with the ads
Dating men is
Like

(Still better than dating me though)

(To all the TikTok supporters who made this happen
I love you so much
Thank you, goodnight)