Lyrics Witch Burning - Monty Python

- We have found a witch. May we burn her?
- Burn her!
- How do you know she is a witch?
- She looks like one.
- Bring her forward.
- I am not a witch.
- But you are dressed as one.
- They dressed me up like this.
- We didn't!
- And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.
- Well?
- Well, we did do the nose.
- The nose?
- And the hat. But she is a witch.
- Burn her!
- Did you dress her up like this?
- No.
- Yes.
- Yes, a bit. She has got a wart.
- What makes you think she is a witch?
- Well, she turned me into a newt.
- A newt?
- I got better.
- Burn her anyway.
- Burn her!
- Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
- Are there? What are they? Tell us.
- Tell me, what do you do with witches?
- Burn them!
- What do you burn apart from witches?
- More witches!
- Wood.
- So, why do witches burn?
- 'Cause they're made of wood?
- Good!
- So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?
- Build a bridge out of her.
- Can you not also make bridges of stone?
- Oh, yeah.
- Does wood sink in water?
- No.
- It floats.
- Throw her into the pond!
- What also floats in water?
- Bread.
- Apples.
- Very small rocks.
- Cider.
- Cherries.
- Gravy.
- Mud.
- Churches.
- Lead.
- A duck!
- Exactly.
So, logically...
- If she weighs the same as a duck...
She's made of wood.
- And, therefore...
- A witch!
- A witch!