Lyrics endlessly - Optimize

Miss the way we talked, even though we hardly got the chance
Wish you got to see me turn into a man
You don't even follow me on Instagram
You don't hear the snippets of the songs that I'm posting then
You ain't see the album
Funny how it had a couple songs about you then I went and scrapped them
Funny how I prayed that we would work
And I still don't got the guts to run it past her
We outlined in chalk, before high school we fell off
By age 15 I lost my train of thought
By 16 I was off the rails, 17 I started losing track
18 was a blur between 2 jobs and part time class
So after all these chapters, suddenly I want you back
No I think that I just miss all your attention that I never had
And tryna reach your heart these days like tryna swing a bat through plexiglass
Had a nightmare that you died, then jumped out of bed to text you fast
And as I pen this pad you still ain't message back
Last time that we caught up, we was talking about our memories
I doubt your authenticity, 'cause how you now forgetting me
And maybe when I thought that we'd be endlessly was me just counting sheep
And now these demons breach my head
I gotta leap the fence to get to sleep
Kinda feel like finding feelings for you was the start of my real life
Which means adolescence kinda branched from you this whole time
And that's why I'd always stir up strife
'Cause I never fit in never got the chance to be your type
You locked me out for years that's just the way it's been
'Cause you could've set me free if you just let me in
Left me here to rot inside my skeleton, you should've known I'm sensitive
I hope you never ask me how I feel again
Walking through the park, I felt those flutters in my heart
I used to get back at the start, thought that was you I saw
All beginning to look like you, I'm starting to despise them all
I'm wishing I could pass you by just one more time right down the hall
My first good time is my last hard goodbye
You're the only one I'd give another try
And I'm in town this week, you wouldn't bat an eye if I could ask to swing by
You're my first rejection so I feel like I'm just wasting lines
Never really swore that you'd be here for all the motions
Looking back I wish you made the promise and then broke it
Rather be a ticking time bomb that exploded
Than have to be alone to witness, self-imposed implosion
You weak to leave me here abandoned, strong to act we never happened
Even though we never did, I hate the way that time passes
Makes us all forget about the life we could've had then
Never cared I left I guess you can't forgive my absence
What if I stayed to make us prosper
Where would we go before I stopped us
Hard to blame myself because I saw no other option
Know I never won that's why it hurts to think I lost us