Lyrics My Unfortunate Erection (Chip's Lament) - Original Broadway Cast Recording

Fritos! M&M′s? Oreos. All for one dollar!
It is tradition
That the person eliminated from the competition,
Is fair game for derision,
Especially the Alpha-Male,
Who will sell goodies at the bake sale.
Anyone for brownies?
Anyone for chocolate chips?
Anyone for anything that isn't dated?
How could I have been eliminated?
You wanna know how?
You wanna know how?
You wanna know WHY?
My unfortunate erection
Is destroying my perfection
It is my recollection that everything I once did
I did perfectly.
LAST YEAR′S CHAMP, DEFEATED!
Because of
Marigold Coneybear
Because there's something and not a thing between us
I don't blame my brain but I do blame my penis.
My unfortunate protuberance,
Seems to have its own exuberance.
Anyone for M&M′s?
Delicious and appropriate!
Anyone for Chewy Goobers?
Inexpensive...
Anyone for buying the SHIT that I′m selling
Because my stiffie has ruined my spelling.
ERECTION!
ERECTION!
MY UNFORTUNATE ERECTION!
WHY?
Is ruining my life
Is ruining my world
Is ruining my
Ruining Ruining Ruining
My Life
MY LIFE
Adulthood brings its own peculiar rejection
Which is why I'm selling this PTA
Confection
It will ruin your complexion
All because of my unfortunate
Erection
Oh God!