Lyrics Poor Unfortunate Souls - Pat Carroll

The only way to get what you want is to become a human yourself

Can you do that?
My dear, sweet child, that's what I do
It's what I live for
To help unfortunate merfolk like yourself
Poor souls with no one else to turn to

I admit that in the past I've been a nasty
They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch
But you'll find that nowadays
I've mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light, and made a switch
To this
And I fortunately know a little magic
It's a talent that I always have possessed
And dear lady, please don't laugh
I use it on behalf
Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed
Pathetic

Poor unfortunate souls
In pain, in need
This one longing to be thin
That one wants to get the girl
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed
Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad, so true
They come flocking to my cauldron
Crying, "Spells, Ursula, please!"
And I help them
Yes I do

Now it's happened once or twice
Someone couldn't pay the price
And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals
Yes I've had the odd complaint
But on the whole I've been a saint
To those poor unfortunate souls

Have we got a deal?

If I become human, I'll never be with my father or sisters again

But you'll have your man
Life's full of tough choices, isn't it?
Oh, and there is one more thing
We haven't discussed the subject of payment

But I don't have

I'm not asking much, just a token really, a trifle
What I want from you is your voice

But without my voice, how can I

You'll have your looks, your pretty face
And don't underestimate the importance of
Body language, ha!

The men up there don't like a lot of blabber
They think a girl who gossips is a bore
Yet on land it's much preferred for ladies not to say a word
And after all dear, what is idle babble for?
Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
But they dote and swoon and fawn
On a lady who's withdrawn
It's she who holds her tongue who gets a man

Come on you poor unfortunate soul
Go ahead
Make your choice
I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day
It won't cost much
Just your voice!
You poor unfortunate soul
It's sad but true
If you want to cross the bridge, my sweet
You've got the pay the toll
Take a gulp and take a breath
And go ahead and sign the scroll
Flotsam, Jetsam, now I've got her, boys
The boss is on a roll
This poor unfortunate soul

Beluga sevruga
Come winds of the Caspian Sea
Larengix glaucitis
Et max laryngitis
La voce to me

Now, sing
Keep singing!