Lyrics Too Drunk To Fish - Ray Stevens

Recitation
Now me and Harold this buddy of mine decided that we'd go fishin'
One time, so we drove to the lake with my brand new bass boat. I
Brought the fishin' poles the pork and beans the saltine crackers
And the canned sardines, and Harold brought all the booze one man
Could tote. While I loaded the boat and filled the tank and tried to
Get that motor to crank, Harold just sat there sippin' on a longneck
Beer. While I was steerin' the boat and tyin' the plugs he was
Drinkin' moonshine straight from the jug and he was
Singing "Melancholy Baby" when we left the pier, huh, huh...

Chorus
Oh, never go fishin' with a man who has been drinkin'
Cause things just might not work out like you'd wish
Just leave that fool at home to drink
He'll be just as happy fishin' in the kitchen sink
Don't go near the water with a man too drunk to fish

Recitation
Well, I was concentratin', perfectin' my cast, hopin' to land a
Trophy bass and Harold was havin' trouble tryin' to find the lake.
Layin' there beside him at his feet was an anchor line coiled up
Real neat, Harold saw it went white as a ghost and
Hollered "Snake!" Well, he jumped straight up and began to
Yell. I said "Sit down Harold and behave yourself. Can't you see
That ain't nothin' but a piece of rope." Ha, ha... Well, he was
Scared to death, plumb out of his mind tryin' not to get bit by that
Anchor line and he grabbed my shotgun blew a hole in the bottom of
The boat...(Blam! Harold! Glup... glub... glub)

Chorus
Never go fishin' with a man who has been drinkin'
Cause things just might not work out like you'd wish
Just leave that fool at home to drink
He'll be just as happy fishin' in the kitchen sink
Don't go near the water with a man too drunk to fish

Recitation
Now too drunk to fish is too drunk to swim. So I was dog paddlin'
And draggin' him and finally made it to a little sand bar just big
Enough for two. It was way after dark when that helicopter came with
That big searchlight and callin' our names. And Harold looked up to
The sky and said, "Lord is that you?"

Slowly
And then he knelt there in that heavenly glow and said "Lord you
Know I ain't ready to go so if you pass me by tonight, oh... I will
Reform." Then they threw down a raft and I paddled us home he never
Touched a drop from that moment on. Ya know the Lord works in
Mysterious ways his miracles to perform.

Chorus
Never go fishin' with a man who has been drinkin'
Cause things just might not work out like you'd wish
Just leave that fool at home to drink
He'll be just as happy fishin' in the kitchen sink
Don't go near the water with a man too drunk to fish
Don't go near the water with a man too drunk to fish...