Lyrics I'm Dead - Saint T

I can see it in my dreams what he did to me
Same shit happened but I see it all differently
Wake up screaming in the night
Cuz I'm losing in this fight
To this day, even now I see it visually
I was hurting way before
Now there's people at my door
But it turns out that's just all in my own imagery
I'm hallucinating death but it's not just me
It's the people that I love, they're all history
I don't want to be saved
At the end of the day, I know I deserve this misery
Therapy is advised cuz they say I'm traumatized
But I've tried that all before, no activity
I never feel safe even at my own place
And I know that seems dumb, lost my dignity
Yeah I've gotten to a point where I don't control my life
And I'm not the leader of my own ministry

Try and give me advice
Tell me what to do
But you don't even know what I'm going through
Nah scrap that, sorry for the backchat
I don't even know what I'm going through
2016, I discovered I was hurting
2017, when I realized I was burning
2018, now I knew I wasn't working
To this day, I still wonder how I'm lurking
In the shadows
I see my friends start to fade into the shadows
I don't feel safe tryna ask them for their ammo
So I stay by myself to avoid all the arrows
And I know that won't help but it stops me being anxious
It stops me from thinking about lying on the canvas
College can't tell me what to do, I'm too fractious
Tell myself I will be better when I'm living in a mansion
But I won't ever shake the pain that I feel
Partly cuz I won't have feelings if I heal
My happiness was taken last year and that's not from the fear
If I could bin February & March then I'm sure I'd still be here
But no, I'll go back to that place, this time I'll go
I can't deal with the stress of checking doors and windows
Just to make sure we're all safe so I can try to rest bro
Try to rest bro
I'm dead
I was dying before, now I'm dead
There's pain in my head
They say I'm traumatized
Therapy is advised
Look me in the eyes, tell me that I'm fucked up

I can see it in my dreams what he did to me
Same shit happened but I see it all differently
Wake up screaming in the night
Cuz I'm losing in this fight
To this day, even now I see it visually
I was hurting way before
Now there's people at my door
But it turns out that's just all in my own imagery
I'm hallucinating death but it's not just me
It's the people that I love, they're all history
I don't want to be saved
At the end of the day, I know I deserve this misery
Therapy is advised cuz they say I'm traumatized
But I've tried that all before, no activity
I never feel safe even at my own place
And I know that seems dumb, lost my dignity
Yeah I've gotten to a point where I don't control my life
And I'm not the leader of my own ministry