Lyrics The Darkness of My Heart - Timothy Brindle

(3.) The Darkness of My Heart and (4.) The Compassion of Christ

(To be listened together)

(The Darkness of my Heart)

"The whole head is sick!" (Isaiah 1: 5)
So sin's mold is in all of brindle's soul's crevices
Living life by "the law of timothy"
Caused a near loss of family and a loss of ministry
So in the pit of sin I often ask the question:
Why am I such an awful tragic mess?, and
I wrote this candidly, a hopeless man is me
But is cuz I'm from a broken family?
Are my problems rooted in my childhood?
Cuz without good family structure, I now should...
Consider them, my griefs and my calamities
Are they legitimate reasons for insanity?
Cuz it's apparent my parent's marriage was broken
But I respond as such: my god is lust that I hope in
Giving me the ability to "feel at ease" in the moment
But in my pain I suffer, can I blame another for my own sin?
It's blame-shifting!
But is early exposure that which has made my brain twisted?
Or was I born with this bent to love disgusting sin?
And porn is the event that shows I'm shunning Him-
Diseased and sick
Completely convinced I need this sin, I'd fiend for it
How easy the evil one deceives this twit
Cuz what I seek, digs a deeper pit!
What blasphemous nastiness
In that it's my own ravenous savage sins that had me crash in this!
Yet I rage at the LORD with my anger galore (Proverbs 19: 3)

So hush and listen if I sound like just a victim
I'm even more a rebel from my disgusting sinning

Cuz I respond in blatant rebellion
A slave to the abominations I fell in
And since this sinner profaned His Honor
Hence the inner cold pain and trauma
Now all bottled up inside's a lot of stuff to hide
Like rage, rotten lust and pride
Plus mixed with a big list of sicknesses
Manifested in wicked addictive sins
Angry at God—I vowed not trust Him

I'll find escape now in the rush of lusting
Instead of turning to the Creator who made me
I prefer my own ways to be "pain free"
To medicate the horrendous dread within
Let me get the best pleasure as my medicine
So matter fact: I better build a wall
Around my heart so I can never feel at all!
So the result of this is an idolatrous,
Autonomous, independent godless kid
To avoid pain in the deepest part within
I'll never ever let any (One) in my heart again!!!

(The Compassion of Christ)

But as I whore in the dark
There's Someone gently knocking on the door of my heart
But to open up—is NOT AN OPTION, NEVER!
Remember that vow? It's closed off forever!
(Who is it?) "It's the King of Love—the Blessed Savior
He came to dig deep like an excavator
To take your shame, sin stains and pain,
And remain as your Life Source—your respirator!"
But I've never allowed any in before
This devilish child—has many sins and sores
So perhaps it's a mistake, Lord.
He said, "No actually, you're exactly who I came for!!!"
But I spent my life violently despising Thee
Yet your reply is: You delight in me???
Stay away from this awful ruined soul!
But that's when You called me Beautiful!!!
I tried to just shun Him—but I'm tired of running
And the Messiah really desires to come in
He's pursued me in this pit that I'm trapped in
And I can no longer resist His Compassion!
I'm made in Your Image but I need restored
I see Your Heart of Mercy beaming forth
So I invite You Christ—come into this place
Pour Your Currents of Mercy—Rivers of Grace
I thought this heart was unredeemable
Too rotten, dark—the scum's uncleanable
The depths of its death I deemed unreachable
And You're the only One who wants to clean my soul!
You rightly exposed the depths of hardness
Your Light has shown how wretched my heart is
But not to condemn me, to wash and then cleanse me,
And reign in life over the death and the darkness
You didn't expose me to leave me feeling dirty
But to heal and purge me and reveal Your Mercy,
That it's Infinitely greater than my sin

And You're Healing is greater than my pain that's within
I should be left to be doomed to the tomb
But I'm rescued from death—through my Union with You!
Rose from the dead—You broke the head of Satan (Gen. 3: 15)
Now I'm a part of Your Global Restoration
I had no rest like an insomniac
Now cuz of Your Righteousness—Your Father's glad
And my wife and kids, You brought them back
And restored my relationships with Mom and Dad (Malachi 4: 6, Luke 1: 17)
You take pleasure in renewing the ruined (Psalm 147: 2-3, 149: 4)
United to Christ now I truly am human
So my heart is alive to love and to praise and to give
And encourage those enslaved to their pain and their sin
Hoisted on the Roman Tree in blackness
Your Voice it groaned for me to have this
You Rose to free us captives, I'm ravished
How You're now rejoicing over me in gladness!!! (Zephaniah 3: 17)
Jesus—I give You every pain in my soul (Psalm 55: 22)
Here's my sexuality I thought Satan had stole
And here's my sin that You paid as a whole
Here's the throne of my heart—please reign in control!!! (Rom. 6: 12-14)

"Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And forget not all his benefits,
3 who forgives all your iniquity,
Who heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
5 who satisfies you with good
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."
Psalm 103: 2-5 ESV