Lyrics My Own Eyes - "Weird Al" Yankovic

I saw a baby drive a truck
I saw a junkie eat a tuba
I saw a stripper kiss a duck
Behind a dumpster in Aruba

I saw this fat, psychotic guy
His underwear was made of crickets
He pawned a skeleton to buy
Some old expired lotto tickets

I saw a naked vagrant giving
Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to his cat
I probably could have gone my whole life
Without seeing that

With my own eyes
I see things that'd drive a normal man insane
Wish I could disconnect my brain
From my own eyes

I saw a mime get hacked to death
With an imaginary cleaver
I saw an old man's final breath
I watched him die from Bieber Fever
I saw these diabetic chicks
In an abandoned 7-Eleven
I watched them snorting pixie sticks
While they were belching Stairway To Heaven

I saw two drag queens trying to see how many crackers
They could shove up each other's nose
I'd like to erase my mind completely but I suppose
That's just the way it goes

With my own eyes
I see things that'd drive a normal man insane
Wish I could disconnect my brain
From my own eyes (my own eyes)
Those visions haunt my memory
Oh, there's so much I wish I could unsee
With my own eyes

Some priest got drunk and stole a circus zebra
And he trained it to massage his back
My guinea pig committed hara-kiri
So we used him to play Hacky Sack
My neighbor's kids sold weapons-grade plutonium
And frosty ice-cold lemonade
They took MasterCard and sometimes
Human organs in trade, that's how we paid
I have to say that it was really darn good lemonade

With my own eyes
I've seen thing that'd drive a normal man insane
Wish I could disconnect my brain
From my own eyes (my own eyes)
Those visions haunt my memory
Oh, there's so much I wish I could unsee
With my own eyes

With my own eyes...