Lyrics I’m Not Okay - Zakk Genni

I'm not okay,
I'm not,
I won't be fine this time,
I'm not okay,
I'm not O-K,

I know I'm really sad and I've been getting pretty distant,
My depressions getting bad I wish you didn't have to witness this,
I'm sorry mom and dad just know it isn't you that did this,
I just slit my fucking wrists but dont know why I even did it,
Guess I just don't want to live,
Wanna end my own existence,
I tried hiding all the pain and I tried hiding all my feelings,
Kept them bottled up inside but I created my own demons,
Now they're toying with my mind and my nightmares are so vivid yeah,

I'm not okay,
I'm not,
I won't be fine this time,
I'm not okay,
I'm not O-K,

I'm not okay,
I'm not,
I won't be fine this time,
I'm not okay,
I'm not O-K,

Yeah I put a blade to my throat but what if that doesn't work?
Could I go through that pain and what would I tell the nurse?
Put a bullet in my brain or continue on this earth?
I don't think I wanna stay but I'm scared it's gonna hurt,
So if you ever felt the same contemplated your self worth,
Think they'll have something to say if one of us is in the herse?
When we finally pass away will they listen to our words?
Forgive all our mistakes and reminisce 'bout who we were?

I'm not okay,
I'm not,
I won't be fine this time,
I'm not okay,
I'm not O-K,

I'm not okay,
I'm not,
I won't be fine this time,
I'm not okay,
I'm not O-K,

Yeah I promise mom you won't lose your son to depression,
Because I thought a lot about it and I don't wanna end it,
I know I tried a dozen times and almost did but that's selfish,
I gotta think about my kids and how to help them not feel this,
Because it's running though their blood,
This depression,
This sickness,
Shit I was drinking,
Doing drugs,
It wasn't helping me kick this,
Yea it would make me feel numb and to me that was better
Because I'd rather feel drunk then always feel like a burden,
But the pills they never helped they always made me feel nervous,
And if I gotta live this hell I'm gonna live it so perfect,

And I know it breaks her heart that she can't even help me,
Just know I love you so damn much and I'm glad that you're healthy,
I'm gonna do this for my kids I gotta live for my family,
Even when I have nothing left my kids will keep me happy,
Even when I'm at my low I know that they're gonna need me,
So I'm coming back home and this time I'm not leaving mom,

I'm not okay,
I'm not,
I won't be fine this time,
I'm not okay,
I'm not O-K,