Lyrics solo sessions (outro) - $olo

If I′m being completely honest I don't know which way I′m going
And that's not me being modest, I'm lost and scared to show it
All these niggas preaching progress, nigga shut up I′m a poet
This life I already I know it
I′ll still remain stoic
I be acting like I know it all
That's my God complex
Feels like I been here before
In a different context
I′m known for putting up some walls
Something like a contractor
My life is like a feature film
I'm Steven Spiel when I′m on set
My grandfather got onset dementia I call him twice a year
We talk about regrets he has and what's the price of fear
You willing to give away your essence for some anxious moments
Show emotion to yourself but never to opponents
But what if I′m my biggest enemy
If I take care of the real problem I wonder if it'll be sad to see
I know my close friends and family would be mad at me
But in this internal war man, what's another casualty
I′ve been casually, falling in love like every week
I′m planning four weddings right now nigga as we speak
Maybe I rely on women too much to find my peace
I try to remember when this aching feeling had its peak

I've been depressed since elementary
Feeling empty
Had preemptive thoughts
About my life to maybe end it
It was pending ′til I picked up a pen
And let out all of my feelings,
All the hardships that I was dealing with

As a kid
Is the reason why I'm knowing that my name will make it big
I was hoping for golden tokens to buy my mom a crib
′Cus we was kicked out of every single place we ever lived
Now my energy flowing to microphones I'm doing live shows
I remember I had holes all up in my zappatos
Rats chewing up my clothes, I just tried to keep my eyes closed
Was only me and my mama, my father in a different time zone=
Never called a place my home

I text this girl I used to love
She answered who is this
I told her me, and how you doing, we need reintroducing
She told me good but she′d prefer if I don't text again
And she's the one who did me dirty now I′m feeling stupid
Emotional masochism
Me and pain got magnetism
Maybe joy and I reside in different class divisions
I took some shrooms and seen my future like I had a vision
In retrospect I really think that was a bad decision