Nina

Señorita Nina
From Argentina
Knew all the answers
Although her relatives and friends were perfect dancers
She swore she'd never dance a step until she died

She said, "I've seen too many movies
And all they prove is too idiotic
They all insist that South America's exotic
Whereas it couldn't be more boring if it tried."

She added firmly that she hated
The sound of soft guitars beside a steel lagoon
She also positively stated
That she could not abide a southern moon
She said with most refreshing candor
That she thought Carmen Miranda
Was subversive propaganda
And should rapidly be shot

She said she didn't care a jot

If people courted her or not

She refused to begin the beguine when they requested it

And she made an embarrassing scene if anyone suggested it
For she detested it

Oh, no one ever could be keener
Than little Nina
On quite a number
Of very eligible men who did the rumba
When they proposed to her she simply left them flat
She said that love should be impulsive
But not convulsive
And syncopation
Had a discouraging effect on procreation
And that she'd rather read a book and that was that

Señorita Nina
From Argentina

Despised the tango
And though she never was a girl to let a man go
She wouldn't sacrifice her principles for sex

She looked with scorn on the gyrations
Of her relations
Who danced the conga
And swore that if she had to stand it any longer
She'd lose all dignity and wring their silly necks

She said that frankly she was blinded
To all their over-advertised romantic charms
And then she got more bloody-minded
And told them where to put their tropic palms
She said, "I hate to be pedantic
But it drives me nearly frantic
When I see that sycophantic unromantic lot of sluts

Forever wriggling their guts

It drives me absolutely nuts!"

She declined to begin the beguine though they besought her to

And in language profane and obscene
She cursed the man who taught her to
She cursed Cole Porter too

From this it's fairly clear that Nina
In her demeanor
Was so offensive
That when the hatred of her friends grew too intensive
She thought she'd better beat it while she had the chance

After some trial and tribulation
She reached the station
And met a sailor
Who had acquired a wooden leg in Venezuela
And so she married him because he couldn't dance

There surely never could have been a
More irritating girl than Nina
They never speak in Argentina
Of this degenerate bambina
Who had the luck to find romance
But resolutely wouldn't dance

She wouldn't dance
Ole!