paroles de chanson birthday party - anthony erlandson

Haven't had a birthday party since I was a kid
I've tried several times but I never did
I get so afraid that no one will show up
I get so afraid it'll all just blow up
I wish I had like way more friends
But when I do it always ends
Up so horribly I can't stop crying
Wish I could do things without them backfiring

Over and over again
I think I need to work on actually taking my meds
I know I really really need them
But any big change has led
To me being alone again
I don't wanna be alone again

I think I'll dye my hair again tonight
Maybe it won't fall out this time
I just need something to be in control of
My brain feels like a mindfuck
I'll wake up early or 1pm
Depends on when I get to bed
I'll have class at 9am in a couple weeks
Didn't think that through i'll live on caffeine

Over and over again
I think I need to work on what my therapist said
I know I really really need to
But if I change I might lose you
And be alone again
I don't wanna be alone again

Cause I'm still 16 in my head
I really thought I would be dead
Before I ever made it here

I'm supposed to go on my own now
No one ever taught me how
To get over all the fear

I think I'm a shooting star
That turns out just to be a satellite
I think i'm a shooting star
That fizzles out right before it gets bright

Will I make you proud of me
Am I everything you wanted
Just say you're proud of me
And that i'm everything you could ever want and
I think i'll have a birthday party this year
Blow out the 19 candles even if no one shows up this year
It's during finals week anyway
I think I overwork myself just fucking getting out bed each day
It's so much for me I just wanna lay
In my bed for hours doing nothing at all
I'll see you again next summer before we go in the fall

I know I'll never be what you want me to be
But you could never be what I need you to be
And it hurts me so much to see
You think that I hate you
But I don't hate you
But I can't love you
How I want to love you
I know it hurts you
But there's nothing I can do

(Cause I'm still 16 in my head
I really thought I would end up dead
Before I ever made it here)