selective morality - extended

I remember early that year
Spiraling into a friendship
That I hadn't predicted
I wanted to welcome it

For a little while, it felt so clear
You were something that I looked forward to
I wanted to wipe away your tears
But I couldn't reach you

Your eyes always speared through mine
I felt your stare through the back of my head
I lied and told you that I was fine
I just needed to go to bed

I'm just like you
I just liked you

All the stupid memories we made
Felt like I had known you longer
But I know I didn't
And if i'm being honest

I wish i'd knew more about you
Is it my fault? Did I not try hard enough?
Was it the edge of the cuff?

You're so much better than me
I think that you should know
Don't ever take the worst for free
You catch more than you throw

I'm just like you
Go on, and be you

I was kind of a dick
Did a lot a shit I regret but i'm glad we're alright though
Or at least I hope so

I never really know how to read you
Whenever you're about to speak
I always think I got you figured out
Then you go and ride a different cloud

I'd always compared myself to you
To the point where I hated your guts
In all types of ways I envy who you'd become
(Felt kinda good to get that off my chest, I don't know)

(Tryna steal my flow?)
(It's gay... and Asian)
(My hands are so shaky, I look like an old person)
(I'm coming, I'll respond, ugh)

I remember late last year
Never fell asleep, got to talk to you a lot
I think we have the same thoughts

I wanted you to be my friend
I pray that this'll never end and I get to be
There right by your side
Your run of the mill "partners in crime"

Your mind's a loaded gun
You always know what you want
I'll never live up to who you're gonna be
To who you're gonna be
You never even needed me
You never even needed me
You never even needed me

But I needed you
I needed you

(And it starts with something new)
(And Shree)
Yup. We are sitting in my car right now
Um, that person's about to park in the not allowed spot... Not good
Anyway, um, pick up your phone (please) whore
To replay this message, press-

Was it a crush
I couldn't even tell you
Plainly enough
Think I was falling for a part of something I'd never felt
You were the catalyst, raising your hell in my mind
But it looked like you never gave a shit
So I let myself cave in
Like I always did

Sometimes I feel
Like I was barely a friend
And it's all my fault
I'd hate to be a person you forget in the end
But I'm ready for whatever comes next
Realized that you were the only one who never pissed me off
Feels like I chase the conflict just to heal a scar

Why can't I just piece it together like you do all the time
It's never been worth it, why do I even try
I feel so insignificant at the end of the night
Convincing myself that it's a feeling that'll go away
But it always stays
Am I ashamed of who I portray
Can't help feeling like shit when I'm next to you

You shouldn't hear this from me