Church Chat - Original Version

You know today the church is in a terrible state. The bucks just aren't rollin' in like they used to. And when the bucks don't come in, the church comes up with a NEW GIMMICK to make you SPEND to GO TO HEAVEN. Now I know you don't know what I'm talking about, but WHAT THE FUCK. But anyway, listen to this ladies and gentlemen, when the church wants to get your money they remind you about HELL.
(Whoo-hoo-hoo-HA-HA)
If you commit a sin you're gonna go to hell.
(Oui-oui)
Well let me give you an example, this boy over here;
(Tell 'em about it Brother Zappa.)
Sometimes people say: That if you FUCK somebody
(Oh lord)
It's a sin,
(Oui-oui)
This may or may not be true.
(Testify)
This boy not only fucked somebody with his organ, but he also fucked a girl with a GUITAR,
(Woo-hoo)
With an UMBRELLA,
(Oui oui)
With a ZUCHINNI,
(Testify) (Oui)
With a SHOE,
(Oui)
With an ENEMA BAG .. .
(Ha ha!)
What else did you do?
(A vibrato bar.)
A VIBRATO BAR! Some people would say this is a SIN. And if you SIN you're gonna go to HELL. Well ladies and gentlemen: There ain't no hell.
(Oui)
There is no such thing as hell.
(Oui)
There is no hell,
(Oui) (Oui)
There is only FRANCE!
(Oui, oui!)